New Way to Breathe
by Nevrmind
Summary: Kate was used to doing things for herself. Jack lived an independent life. Neither were quite prepared for each other. Love can do that to you. But then again, to two stubborn people ... who's to call it love? Chapter 12 added!
1. A Few Good Men

**A/N: This is my first Lost fic. I'm a diehard Jack/Kate shipper. Review if you'd like. I'd really appreciate reviews.  
Note: ****Story begins with Kate's dream. **

**A Few Good Men**

**_Kate's POV_**

_Smoke._

_My eyes stung against it's weight, tearing until my vision was too obscured for proper definition. I tried to blink. My eyelids felt heavy. Water seeped through their cracks and rolled down my cheeks. I could feel the water surrounding me. Heavy, merciless, taking me under only to spit me back up._

_Screams._

_They were high-pitched. Terrified. They were frantic. They expressed everything I felt. I tried to cry out to them, but the water was swallowing me too fast. I could feel the fire, hot and burning against my skin. _

_More screaming. Louder. Another explosion. The resulting wave of water towered over my head and slapped me under its body. I could feel my arms flail out uselessly. My whole body racked with pain._

_I opened my eyes. I could see the light, very dimly, through the water. The sun. It was bright white, a shimmering orb over a sea of blue. I exhaled bubbles, my body kicking uselessly._

_This is it. This was the end. After everything I'd been in through in the last few months. All the gun shots I'd heard. All the people that had passed in and out of my life. This was how I was going to end. In a plane crash, on my way to prison. _

_I felt panic overcome me. I can't die. Not here. Not now. I'm not ready._

_I kicked hard beneath the water. My body twisted to the familiar strain. The surface of the water seemed to stretch before me. I kicked again, harder this time, and I rose another foot. The other side seemed so close. The light was blinding._

_Help me._

_The weight of the water was too heavy. My lungs crushed within my body. I could feel myself sinking. The water pulled me down, farther down. My arms stretched out in front of me as I felt the surface fall farther and farther away. _

_I opened my mouth to cry out. Water invaded the opening. _

_My eyelids fell to a close._

_I can't die. Not here. Not now._

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**Very Early in the Morning**

**Kate's Tent**

**Kate's POV**

My eyes snapped open, and I let the darkness consume me.

My chest was heaving, soaking in every breath it could. For a second I just laid there, my back stuck with sweat to the makeshift cot I'd been sleeping on. I sat up shakily, and stumbled out of my tent and into the jungle. It seemed like I'd done this some many times, it was somewhat of a routine. And that scared me.

I leaned on the nearest tree to support myself, and then I bent down and threw up everything left in my stomach. I closed my eyes and willed the world away. This was the third time I'd had it. The dream. And each time, it seemed to just get worse. It went even farther. It hurt even more.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I removed my hand from the tree and walked slowly through the path that I'd come to know very well over the past few months. The path to the caves. It was dark, the sky a harsh shade of black, but the moon was full and I let the light guide me to the caves. I was so used to coming here. I knew the route off by heart.

I knelt down by the water and rinsed my mouth. The water trickled through my fingers, catching the moonlight and glistening through the dark. The sight comforted me for a moment, but I knew what really would.

This was my third time. I sort of had a routine.

It began, well, the first time. I came to the caves more for its serenity than anything. Jack was right when he said the caves were safe. I mean, I'm not foolish enough to believe that the caves will protect us from The Others, or whatever the hell else is out there. But there's something about the caves that's strangely peaceful. It makes you feel safer, even if you aren't really.

The first time I had this dream, I'd gone to the caves. I had knelt by the water, just like I was now. I'd rinsed my mouth out, and paused just to calm my nausea. And I'd thought about telling Jack. After all, he was a doctor. He would know about nightmares. Maybe he'd have something, some sort of drug, that would keep me sleeping through the night. Preferably a dreamless sleep. Or at least something to stop me from throwing up every time a nightmare hit. I was desperate. I still am.

I picked myself up off the rocks, and I walked slowly through the caves. To one particular cave. As I neared it, I felt the same tingling sensation in my body as I had the two times before. My heart started to beat faster, and drawing slow and even breaths became more of a task.

And then I saw him. He was just lying there, on his back, his eyes closed and his whole body relaxed. Some people like to sleep on their side. Some people have other positions, like their hands behind their head or something. But Jack ... Jack likes to sleep on his back. Every time I've seen him sleep, it was on his back. He looks the most comfortable that way.

I watched his chest, clothed in a light grey t-shirt today, rise and fall with his steady breath. His cave is almost completely sheltered from any moonlight, but I can still see him. There's just something about Jack that relaxes me, which is kind of ironic, considering Jack himself hardly ever relaxes. But when he sleeps, he looks so at peace with the world. So relaxed. It's good to see him without the look of worry he usually wears. It's kind of refreshing.

I gently bent my legs, and sat down on the cave floor, and wrapped my arms around myself to keep warm. I watched him, and slowly felt my body slip into a relaxed state of ease. I closed my eyes. Not to sleep, I didn't think I'd be able to anyway. Just to ... soak in my surroundings. It wasn't a particularly cold night. Warm air, perhaps a slight chill in the breeze. But not much. It was a beautiful night.

It was a beautiful night ... a beautiful night ...

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**Several Hours Later**

**Jack's Cave**

**Kate's POV**

My eyes gently fluttered open. I started. Sunlight was streaming into the cave. I could hear birds chirping, the rustle of leaves as daily movement once again commenced. I whipped my head around to where Jack was laying.

He was still sleeping, thank god. Blissfully unaware of my presence. I got up slowly, quietly. Trying desperately not to wake him. How had so much time passed? It seemed like only a second ago I'd closed my eyes to a dark peaceful night. How had I suddenly opened my eyes to a bright restless morning?

I exited the cave cautiously. I cast a weary look around. No one in sight. Maybe today wouldn't be so hard on me after all ... or not.

I scampered forward just as Charlie walked around the bend. I rammed full force into him.

"Whoa," Charlie stumbled backwards and then steadied me. "You're up early," he remarked to me and then paused. I could only watch as his mind did a few very simple calculations. Kate ... caves ... Kate ... up early ... Kate ... up early ... in the caves ...?

His head tilted towards the direction I'd come from. I watched as his eyes narrowed in on Jack's caves. He turned back to me with a sly grin and raised both his eyebrows. "A midnight visit to Jack?"

"Shut up, Charlie," I whispered fervently and whirled around panicked to see if anyone heard us. No one else was up.

"Charlie, seriously," I said turning back to him. "Please don't say anything. To anyone. Please."

"It's okay, Kate," Charlie said soothingly, touching me briefly on my shoulder. "I won't say anything."

"Promise?" I whispered.

Charlie smiled charmingly. "I promise."

He moved to walk away but I stopped him again. "We're not ... we're not sleeping together, Charlie," I said. I had to clear all this up. Even if Charlie didn't tell anyone, I really couldn't have him thinking I was having sex with Jack. I could only the imagine the kind of looks I'd get from him if I even moved within a three yard radius of Jack. "We're not together."

Charlie raised his hands. "Kate, I'm not here to judge."

"No, but really," my voice pressed. "We're not sleeping together. We're not involved. I was ... I went to get some medical advice."

Charlie's eyebrows crease in worry. "Are you okay?" he said, looking at me in concern.

"I'm ... I'll be fine," I said. I'd be fine. I would. I could keep telling myself that, anyway. "And I'd also appreciate it if you didn't mention this to Jack."

Charlie looked at me, an eyebrow raised. "You're getting awfully secretive, Kate."

I sighed. "It's a long story."

"I have time."

"I don't."

Charlie looked at me. He nodded understandingly. " I won't tell anyone ... not even Jack. And I hope you get better."

I smiled gratefully at him. "Thank you, Charlie." He moved to walk away again. "Charlie!" I called after him. He turned around. "Why are you up so early?" I asked.

He smiled, shaking his head. "Aaron likes to get up early, but Claire doesn't." He waved a waterbottle at me. "I thought I'd get her some water for when she wakes up."

"You're a good guy, Charlie," I said.

Charlie looked at me slowly, and then nodded his head towards Jack's cave. "So is he," he said. And with that, he went on his way, leaving me behind to receive the impact of his words.

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**A/N: Okay, so far it's not very shippery, but it'll get there. Trust me. Next chapter will be much better. Again, review if you feel like it. Criticism and encouragement are both welcome. So are suggestions. Oh yeah, and I love fortunes (like from the cookie) and jokes of the day. I'm kind of twisted. I should warn you early on. **


	2. A Foreign Morning

**A/N: Wow, you guys rock. I swear, that's waaaay more reviews than I expected to get. Hope you're all just as much into this chapter as the last one. Each step gets a little more Jate, so bear with me.**

**A Foreign Morning**

**Morning**

**Jack's Cave**

**Jack's POV**

I opened my eyes to the traditional stream of sunlight that filtered in slowly to my cave. I blinked and stretched my arms as I gently raised myself off the ground. The cave looked like it always did. Cave-like. I looked at my little collection of stuff thrown haphazardly into a corner. Nothing seemed to be missing. I stood up and walked over to the entrance, and looked at the scene before me. People were up, moving. The day had begun, just like every day did.

So why did today seem so different?

Because there was something different about today. Something truly and supremely different, and it bothered me I couldn't figure out what it was. I pulled my t-shirt off, and replaced it with a new one. Navy. I smiled as I remembered the look on Kate's face a few days when he was wearing it.

"Looks good on you," she'd said when his eyes inquired why she was looking at him so strangely. Just like that. Looks good on you. Then she'd smiled sweetly, and walked off. Just like that. Walked off after 'looks good on you'. I'd stood there kind of puzzled, watching her walk away. And then she turned her around. Her eyes caught mine, and she smiled again, probably at the look on my face.

She liked that look. I liked her smile.

I heard the shuffling of feet outside. I stretched my arms again, my back still stiff from sleep. I walked over to the entrance of my cave, yawning. And there she was, speaking of the devil. She was pacing, or from this angle anyway, that's what it looked like. She was walking up and down, muttering to herself. I watched, semi-amused. Her eyebrows were creased in frustration. Frustration over something.

I smiled. There was something about the way she looked today. The way her hair was messily tossed into a tight ponytail at the back. The way she looked both worried and confused at the same time. How she frantically paced. There was something about that strange combination that kept me standing there, at the foot of my cave, watching her. And enjoying the fact that she didn't know I was.

She turned around, took a step towards me – staring at the ground or she would have seen me – then shook her head as if deciding against the very action she had just intended to do, and took a step in the other direction. She stopped. I watched her eyebrows crease into a frown. An undecided frown. Whatever it was, I decided to make the decision for her.

I cleared my throat. She stopped walking and looked up at me. Her dark eyes met mine and her expression softened. I smiled. "Hey, Kate."

"Hi … Jack …" She takes a while getting name out. I can see from the look in her eyes that she definitely didn't expect to talk to me so soon. She's nervous. Her right leg kind of twitches. She shoves a rebellious strand of dark hair behind her ear, eyes down at the ground. "Good morning."

"Morning," I said. She doesn't look at me. "Something you wanted?" I asked gently.

Kate opens her mouth, closes it, then opens it again. She closed her eyes. "No," she said. She turns to leave, then stops. "Actually …" she trailed, looking back at me, and then stopped herself. "No, never mind, it's not important …"

"Kate," I said softly.

"Well actually," she turned back to me. Then, "Wait, no, forget it. Forget I said anything." She made to leave again.

"Kate," I repeated, more gently this time. She looked up at me with her big hazel eyes. I loved the color of her eyes. Most times they looked brown but some times, like today for instance, you could really see a shadow of green in them. They were unlike your typical eyes, and they suited her.

"Come on," I said, and I lead a reluctant Kate over to the bench of collected airplane-seats. She hesitated as she neared them, and this caught my attention. I examined her closer. The way she kept fidgeting. The strain in the way she spoke. The bags under her eyes. I neared her. "Are you okay?" I whispered.

Kate exhaled. "Yes," she said firmly and then paused. "No … well yes, I'm not sick. Really."

"Okay," I said nodding, as if this were just another routine check up. Like I was a doctor, and she was my patient. To anyone else, it would have seemed that way looking in. But it wasn't. Because around her, I was always Jack and she was always Kate. It was the way we were.

I looked intently at her. "What's wrong, Kate?"

She breathed. "Nothing …" she trailed.

"_Kate," _I pressed.

She looked down at her feet, as if suddenly fascinated by the ground. "I've been having … nightmares."

Her words caught me off guard. I blinked. Out of all the things I expected to hear (and believe me, my mind liked to take the most negative spin on things) nightmares was not what I had in mind. I knew Kate. I probably knew Kate better than anyone else on the island did. She was strong, and I would have never expected her to complain of as light a thing as nightmares. Which could really only mean one thing.

There weren't your typical nightmares.

I approached her, and her head rose so our eyes collided. "How many times have you had them?"

Kate bit her lower lip. "Three times, as of last night."

I looked at her. "How come you didn't come to me before?"

"They're just nightmares, Jack."

_They're just nightmares, Jack. They're just nightmares, Jack._ Her words played over and over in my mind. And I didn't believe them for a second. "Is it the same dream each time, or are they different?"

"They're the same," she said, and then stopped. "Or well, they're different. But the same. Like, it's the same dream, but it just goes a little farther each night."

"What's it about?" I asked.

Kate didn't answer.

I didn't push it.

"Have you been under any stress lately?" I asked. Back to doctor mode.

She rolled her eyes. _"Jack."_

"Humor me," I said. I took a seat next to her on the bench. "Have you been under any stress?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Not any more than usual."

"What about physical exercise?" I asked.

"What about it?"

"What kind of activities have you been doing?" I elaborated.

Kate shrugged again. "I don't know … walking … swimming … climbing trees. God, we're stranded on an island, Jack. I'm doing all the normal stuff."

I shook my head and smiled at that. "Do you know how strange that sounded?"

Kate smiled back. "I'm replaying it in my mind."

I looked back at her, and my smile faded. "How bad are these dreams, Kate?"

Kate didn't reply.

"Kate," I whispered.

"They're … they're bad," Kate said, and I knew it took a lot for her to admit that. Fear hardly ever got in her way. It would be something if it did now. She shook her head, eyes cast at the ground. "They're pretty bad."

I touched her shoulder lightly. She jumped as though electrocuted. "Calm down, Kate," I whispered. "It's just me."

"I know," she said. She closed her eyes, her words released through clenched teeth. "I know, it's just … I can't sleep. These past few days, I've been trying to each night, but either I wake up just in fear I'll have the dream again, or I do have it and I wake up just to throw up and …"

I can hear the desperation in her voice. The pain. And it gnaws at me.

"And I can't do it anymore," Kate whispered. Her voice was hollow.

I didn't know what to say for a second. I just sat there. We both just sat there. Staring at each other. "Has this happened before?"

When Kate didn't respond right away, I had my answer. "What happened that time?" I asked.

She looked away. "I was eight years old. Recurring nightmares." She shuddered. "I was sent to see a psychologist. It didn't really help."

I watched her. I watched as she fidgeted on the bench. As her eyes kept flickering towards the ground. How nervous she was. How pale she looked. How her exhaustion wore her down. "How did they stop?"

Kate shrugged her shoulders uselessly. "I don't know. I don't remember. One day they just … stopped. Never reappeared."

"Until now," I finished.

"Yeah," she said tonelessly. "Until now. Only it's a different dream now."

"A worse dream."

She looked up at me, and flashed a strained smile. "Stop finishing my sentences."

"Stop starting mine."

She laughed. It was a tired, worn laugh. But it was still a laugh. "You're a nut."

I smiled in response to that. I mean, really, what was there to say? "Look, Kate …" I whispered. Her eyes jumped to mine, and I bit my lower lip.

Should I do it? The question played thoughtfully in my mind. On one hand, I would divulge the secret I'd decidedly chosen to keep from the rest of the island. However, what was the use in advantage that you'd never seize anyway? Besides, this was a just cause. This was more than a just cause. Right?

Right?

I lowered my voice though no one was within earshot anyway. "I'll meet you outside your tent tonight after dark."

"Wait, why?" I could hear the intrigue in her voice. Her eyes sparkled.

I grinned. "Just make sure you don't fall asleep."

"I don't think that'll be a problem."

I looked at her. She was staring at me suspiciously. She was curious. I loved her curiosity. How it ate at her insatiably, and how easy it was for me to taunt it. "Don't tell anyone we're going to meet."

Her eyes followed me. "Okay …" she said slowly. "… Are you going to tell me why …?"

I grinned at her and got up off the bench. "Nope."

And with that, I left, knowing the answer to the question I'd woke up with that morning. What was different about the day. Why this morning felt so foreign to me. I knew the answer now.

I'd woken up to Kate's fragrance.

And I liked it.

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**A/N: Hey, so, if you liked this chapter, review. If you didn't, review and tell me why. I'm a good listener. Anyways, next chapter'll be better. Especially the ending. You guys are gonna eat up the ending. Seriously. **


	3. A Perfect Night

**A/N: Alright, it's official. You guys rock. More reviews last chapter than there was the one before. Let's see if we can keep up that streak, huh? **

** Oh, yeah, and I'm trying to start this whole new fanfic lingo. If you like REALLY like a chapter. And I mean like it to the point where the only words that come to your mind while reading it are somewhere along the lines of 'supreme excellence' then review and say the words "eat a cookie". Who knows? Start this now, and perhaps years later fanficers everywhere will be saying 'eat a cookie'. I say, seize the moment, and get in on the groundfloor. **

**A Perfect Night **

**Mid-afternoon**

**Kate's POV **

**The Beach **

"Hey, Kate."

I turned around to see Charlie beside me. I looked back at the knotted fishing net I was trying my best to untangle. "Hi, Charlie."

He nodded towards the net. "Need some help with that?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I wouldn't mind it."

He sat down next to me on the sand, and took the left side of the fishing net while I took the right. It was knotted very deeply in the middle, and was wrought with scattered tangles around the edges. The beach was calm today. The sound of the waves lapping gently against the sand was always comforting and even more so today. Today was a day I needed to be comforted.

"So …" Charlie trailed, breaking our unwritten code of silence. "I saw you talking to Jack this morning."

My head snapped upwards so fast a crick appeared in my neck and I rubbed it painfully. "I thought we agreed you weren't going to talk about this."

"Hey," Charlie defended. "I said I wouldn't tell anyone. You didn't say I couldn't talk to you about it."

My mind reeled back to earlier this morning and I realized on a bitter note he was right. I looked back at the net, sighing. "I told you, Charlie, nothing's going on between us."

"Okay," Charlie said, and I could tell from the tone of his voice he didn't believe me. But then again, had I been in his place, would I have believed me? The answer struck true and hard. I wouldn't have. All facts pointed against me. "Did you get the medical advice you wanted?"

I set down the net and turned to face Charlie. I was never a good at multitasking. "Yes … sort of … well, I'll see."

Charlie smiled. "You're acting more like Lock every day."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? How so?"

Charlie rolled his eyes and grinned. "You never give a straight answer any more."

I hit him playfully on the shoulder. For a few minutes, we sat in companionable silence. I looked over at Charlie and realized his eyes had fallen elsewhere, quite a distance across the beach. I looked over to where he was staring. She was walking across the sand, in jeans at least a size too big for her. She cradled Aaron in her arms, while engaged in a lighthearted conversation with Sun. I saw the look in Charlie's eyes and couldn't help but smile. Claire. She was all Charlie seemed to see anymore.

"So … what's the news on the you-and-Claire front?" I asked.

Charlie's eyes whirled around to face me. "What?"

"You know … you and Claire …" I raised both my eyebrows and elbowed him playfully. "Come on, give me the scoop."

Charlie brushed me off. "There's nothing going on."

"Oh, nothing going on, my _ass_," I stretched. "You take care of Aaron. You bring her water in the morning. You practically wait on her hand and foot. You can't say there's nothing going on."

Charlie smiled and looked me square in the eye. "There's nothing going on …" he trailed, winking at me. "Just like you and Jack."

I felt his eyes on me, and then I turned, as if magnetically drawn, towards the campfire. Jack was standing there, mulling over some piece of paper with Sayeed. He looked up from the document, and his eyes caught mine. He waved sort of awkwardly and I smiled brightly in return. I turned back to the net to find Charlie looking at me with the oddest amused expression on his face.

"Oh, shut up," I said, throwing down the net and pushing myself up off the sand. I could still hear Charlie laughing as I walked back to my tent.

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**Later that Night **

**Kate's Tent **

**Kate's POV **

"Kate."

His voice was deep, hushed in tone. Barely above a whisper. I felt like I could hear it from a mile away. I pulled open the flap to my tent and crawled out. Jack knelt next to me, his feet planted softly upon the smooth wind-scattered sand.

"Hey, Jack," I whispered in greeting. For a second, we just sort of sat there looking at each other, awkwardly. The sky was dark but not completely black. Not yet. I knew it would get that way in an hour or so. The moon was already out and showering us with what little light it possessed. The sea seemed to shimmer in its presence.

"So …" I trailed, looking around to see if there was anyone else within earshot. There wasn't. "What are we doing?"

"You'll see," Jack said and I could hear more than see the smile in his voice. "Believe me, this'll be a night to remember."

I didn't doubt it.

"Come on," he said, and for a brief moment he took my hand as we scampered across the beach and into the entrance of the jungle. Jack paused, looking at each tree and in each direction, before finally deciding on one.

"It's this way," he said and I followed him around bushes, under tree branches, and through drapes of hanging vines. The night had a sort of magical effect upon the jungle, but also a horrifying one too. Even the smallest tree seemed to shadow all else and we were left, as we ventured deeper and deeper into the jungle, with seemingly no light at all. With nothing to guide our way, except for … well, Jack.

"Jack, are you sure you know where we're going?" I asked, and lightly gripped his shoulder so as not to lose him as we fought our way through an entanglement of bushes.

Jack nodded, and I released him from my grasp as we walked into an almost open clearing. "Yeah, just a little farther," he said and then stopped as we approached a series of tall standing trees. He just looked at them for a second, and then a smile broke upon his lips. "We're here."

I looked up. The trees stared back at me. Trees. Just normal trees. Trees with big branches, bushy leaf tops and low-hanging vines. Trees we could have seen at least twenty minutes back in the walk. I looked at Jack. "Please tell me you didn't take me all this way just to see trees."

He smiled, "Not quite. Come here."

He darted in between the first and second trees and I could hear a rustling noise and the sound of something large, and probably heavy, being moved. "Come on," he said with an eagerness I was sure I'd never heard issued from Jack's mouth before. "Take a look."

I followed him behind the trees and then to where he was standing. I looked down. Beneath us was a very large rectangular black object. That was it. A large black rectangle, standing nearly a foot of the ground. I looked at with an almost strange fascination. I touched it. The surface was smooth. "What is it?"

Jack was grinning by now. "You're going to love this," he said and he jumped over to the other side of the rectangle. I watched his hands run themselves over one side of the … thing … and then stop as they found what they were looking for. There's was a long metallic clicking sound and then Jack was beside me again, unzipping what appeared to be the cover or something … well, large and rectangular.

He pulled it off. "Tada."

I just stood there. Staring. I couldn't believe it. I blinked as though to wash away a dream. It still sat there, just as real, before my eyes. "Is that … is it …" I looked up at him in sheer amazement. "Is it?"

Jack smiled. "Oh yeah."

I didn't need another word of encouragement. I threw myself upon it and giggled as I felt myself bounce back. I stretched my entire body over it. "Oh my god," I whispered, a look of sheer pleasure spreading across my face. "I think this is officially the best mattress I have ever felt. Ever. In my entire life."

Jack looked down at me from where he was standing. He was smiling.

I laid back and closed my eyes in pure joy. A mattress. A sign of civilization. _Finally. _"Where did you … how did you find this … _and why didn't you tell me earlier?"_

Jack sighed. "I found it within the first week on the island. I was out exploring, tripped over the damn thing." He paused. "I didn't tell you because … well, I decided I wouldn't tell anyone. This mattress can really only fit two people. And out of all the survivors … it just didn't seem fair to give it to anyone in particular. Had someone had a bad back, or something like that, there would have been a reason to give them the mattress. And I waited for someone to give me a reason. But no one did." He looked at me. "Not until today."

The implication of his words hit me hard. "Jack," I said slowly. "I don't need it. You were right. We should keep it hear until someone who really needs it comes along. That's a better use for it."

"I think the best use for it is to be dragged back to camp … in the middle of the night … through the jungle," Jack grinned. "By us … and into your tent."

"But what if –" I began, but Jack cut me off.

"What if someone breaks their back or their leg or they're sentenced to bed rest for the rest of the month … Kate, we can work that out," Jack said. His voice was gentle, sensible. "But right now, the person who needs it … and deserves it … the most is you. And who knows? A good night's sleep can do the body wonders. Whatever you were sleeping on before certainly couldn't have been comfortable. Maybe sleeping on a mattress will remind you of home, relax your body, chase your nightmares away."

"What is this, some kind of miracle mattress?" I said jokingly and Jack laughed.

"Hey, if it works … you can call it whatever you want," he said, bending down to pick up the top half of the mattress. "Okay, pick up the bottom."

I did and for a second we just stood. "This is heavy."

"Yeah," Jack said, with an audible strain to his voice. "Also another reason I didn't move it from here."

I laughed. "Okay, lead the way, Tiger."

Jack cocked an eyebrow. "Tiger?"

I winced at my choice of the name. "Tiger … it was what Mary Jane always called Spiderman in the comic books. She'd say 'Go Get 'Em, Tiger'."

Jack stopped moving and stared at me. An amused smile played upon his lips. "You're … different, Kate."

I smiled, teasingly. "Awww, thanks Jack. You're different too."

Jack plucked a berry off a nearby bush and threw it at me. I dropped the mattress trying to hit the berry away, and continued to leave it sitting on the ground as I played offense by pelting Jack with the same berries.

It was a twenty minute walk back to my tent.

We got back an hour later.

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"Wow," I whispered. Jack and I just stood at the entrance to my tent, staring at it. It was like a perfect fit. A match made in heaven. The mattress spread across the floor of my tent, leaving a foot's room on the edge where I'd piled all my crap.

"Wow's right," Jack whispered in return.

I couldn't hold back my excitement. I launched myself onto the mattress again, just as I had in the jungle, and spent a few seconds just enjoying the bounce of the surface beneath me. I looked up at Jack who still stood there at the entrance watching me.

"Come on …" I said, and I motioned to the room next to me. "Take a lie down."

Jack shook his head. "I'm fine standing."

I rolled my eyes. "Come on, we just spent like an hour and a half in the jungle, in the middle of the night, with no light, carrying a damn heavy mattress. At least take a moment to admire your handiwork."

Jack smiled. "Well, when you put it like that."

He laid down next to me, flat across the mattress and we both fell into a companionable sort of silence. It suited us. I closed my eyes. I could hear the sound of the waves as they gently kissed the sand then retracted back into the ocean. The sound was soothing, serene. And the night air tasted good. Fresh. As many times as I had regretted not moving to the caves, and there were times, I did love living on the beach. There wasn't really an experience quite like waking up to the sounds of the ocean.

"Well, I should go," Jack said suddenly and my eyes snapped open.

"What?" I said, kind of disoriented. I'd almost just fallen asleep.

He smiled, realizing the same thing I just had. "It's late. Neither of us have slept yet. I should get back to the caves so I have a chance of waking up tomorrow."

He got up but I remained sitting upon the mattress. I was quiet in thought.

"Wait," I said as he opened the flap to the tent. He turned around. I shrugged my shoulders. "Why don't … why don't you just sleep here tonight?" He didn't say anything. "I mean … it's quite a walk back to the caves and by the time you get there, it'll be even later. And besides, you deserve at least one sleep on the mattress. As the Royal Finder, it is your right." I was blabbering, but I couldn't seem to stop. "… and it's more comfortable than sleeping in the caves so …"

He just stared at me. He was silent.

I opened my mouth again, but this time no words come out. I looked down at the mattress beneath me.

"Okay," he said.

I looked up at him as if I wasn't quite sure I'd heard him right.

"Okay," he repeated and slowly, he got down next to me on the mattress. We sort of looked awkwardly at each other. I reached for the thin airplane blankets that I'd slept under every night. They were worn and frayed from the crash, but still kept me warm. I tried to remember if Jack slept under any blankets back in the caves. It was funny, I'd watched him sleep so many times, yet I never noticed if he actually wore a blanket. I only really looked at him.

"Goodnight," I said and I watched as he gently closed his eyes, his whole body relaxing as it succumbed to slumber.

"Sweet dreams …" he trailed, eyes closed, and I heard the care beneath his words. The meaning.

I smiled as I closed my eyes. The rhythm of the ocean played softly in my ears. The clear fresh night air tickled my skin. The mattress was soft beneath my body. And the sounds of Jack's breathing rocked me to sleep.

It was an absolutely perfect night.

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**A/N: So … do I deserve any cookies for this?**


	4. Just Like That

**A/N: Hey y'all. Okay, if you're wondering why I didn't update at my typical speedy rate, I'm away. I forgot to tell you. I have the crappiest memory. Anyways, I started this chapter before I left but I didn't finish it till now. Thus the late posting.**

**P.S: thanks for the cookies. They were much enjoyed. **

**Just Like That**

**Morning**

**Kate's Tent**

**Jack's POV**

"_Do you know where he is?"_

The voice infiltrated my ears in a low hum. I rolled over. It was disturbing my silence, and I enjoyed my silence. I swatted at my ears as if that would make the unwelcome noise disappear.

"_He was in his cave last night. Hurley saw him."_

A different voice this time. A bit of a foreign accent. Sayeed? I groaned, the world to me groggy. What were so many people doing in the caves? Near my cave? Why weren't they all at the beach?

"_Then where'd he go?"_

The first voice again. Charlie? Was that who it was? There was a low buzzing in my ear. The slumber gnawed at my hearing. I tried to stifle a yawn but failed dismally. I stretched my arms and back, eyes still closed. My hand touched something soft, smooth. What was I touching?

"_Jeezus, guys. We can live without the good doc for a few hours. He ain't our bread and water."_

Sawyer. The Good Doc. Me. They were talking about me. My slow mind struggled with their words. They acted as if I was missing ... I wasn't missing ... I was right here in my ... cave?

My eyes snapped open. Sunlight flooded my vision. I was definitely not staring at the roof of a cave. My hands touched the soft padding beneath me. The mattress. I blinked. The mattress. Last night. Kate.

_Kate._

I looked to my side. My hand was laying gently against her face, fingers entangled in her hair. For a second, I just laid there, as though frozen. She was sleeping. Her eyes laid gently closed, her lower lip curled in like it did when she was thinking. My eyes soaked her image in. Her stomach rose and fell with each breath. A steady rhythm. It filled my ears.

Her eyelids fluttered open and I withdrew my hand as though burned. I looked away as she blinked several times, eyes customizing themselves to her surroundings. She looked over at me and I returned her gaze.

"Hey," she whispered sleepily.

"Morning."

Kate yawned. "Wow … I had a really good sleep." She patted the mattress, a smirk coming to her lips. "And I've got this baby to thank for it."

I smiled. "Yeah, it's … it's nice, you know? Kind of a reminder that we're not all crazy. That we did come from a civilization. An advanced civilization."

"With mattresses," Kate finished bluntly.

I grinned at her, pushing her shoulder lightly. "You're such a smart ass."

"Right back atcha," she smiled.

We just sat there, kind of awkwardly looking at each other. She ran her hands through her hair, trying futilely tame her rebellious curls. She smiled sort of uneasily at me and I returned it. This was most definitely one of the more awkward moments I have ever had with Kate. Including that whole shower thing.

"Um, we've got a problem," I said after a few seconds.

Kate looked up at me, with an expression I could only read as grateful. Probably for my starting a conversation, which I could understand. We really needed it. "Shoot."

I sighed, and grinned with an unexpected embarrassment. "They're um … they're sort of looking for me."

Kate raised an eyebrow.

"I heard Charlie, Sayeed, and Sawyer talking outside your tent. They're looking for me. I guess … they went to the caves or something looking for me and I wasn't there. They're like calling a manhunt or something," I said in a voice that quite perfectly displayed my lack of thrill in the matter.

The look on Kate's face seemed to share my displeasure with the matter. "Perfect," she said sarcastically. I looked at her. She looked at me. And we continued to sit there.

"I'll go distract them," Kate said abruptly. I looked at her. "I'll start suggesting strange places for them to look for you. They'll go look. You run out of the tent. Simple as that."

"It's not as simple as that, Kate," I stressed. "Don't you think they would find it a little strange that they've been running all over the beach and the caves looking for me and meanwhile, I was just standing near your tent?"

Kate rolled her eyes. "Well you run into the jungle for god's sake. Pretend you were like … exploring or something."

"Oh yeah, because I do that all the time."

"You got a better idea?" Kate challenged.

I opened my mouth and closed it. She stared stubbornly at me. "No," I admitted.

"Okay, then … see you," she said and ducked out of the tent, leaving me alone. I sat there on the mattress. Well … this morning had definitely been awkward enough. But what could I have expected?

I looked around the tent. It was funny, for a very small cramped space, it was able to portray Kate's life exactly. Clothes were thrown haphazardly around. Stuff littered the doorway, random things were collected beside the mattress. And yet, there was a certain order to things. It wouldn't be apparent at first, not even at a closer glance. You had to know Kate well to see it. A pair of jeans were thrown clumsily into a corner. Knowing Kate as well as I did, I could recognize these as the jeans the liked the most. That she wore the most. Beside it was a book, her only book, and a few other random objects I didn't recognize. And despite their seemingly meaninglessness, I knew Kate treasured these effects. She never showed it, but she cared deeply for the things she loved. It was something you had to learn only through knowing her. It couldn't really be explained.

The flap of the tent whipped open. I jumped up only to release a sigh of relief as I realized who it was. Kate entered the tent. "Jeezus, Jack," she said shaking her head. "You could have gone at least ten minutes ago."

"Sorry," I said mock-defensively, "But it isn't like we had a signal planned or anything."

Kate rolled her eyes as I made for the tent entrance, "Well, next time we'll make up one."

I turned our, my eyebrows raised. "Next time?"

Kate stared at me. I stared at Kate. After what seemed like an eternity, Kate opened her mouth. "I didn't mean –"

"Shh," I said, and I delicately placed my index finger on her lips. She looked up at me with big hazel eyes. I grinned at her. "You're ruining it."

And with that I left, ducking out of her tent leaving Kate with a dazed expression upon her face. And as I bolted down the beach and into the jungle, feeling painstakingly proud of myself, little did I notice a man standing by the trees, his hands jammed into his pockets with a moody expression on his face. He looked between Kate's tent and then back at me.

That man was Sawyer. And he wasn't happy.

333333333333333333333333

**Afternoon  
The Jungle  
Kate's POV**

Jack.

That was my single thought. I grasped onto the tree and pulled myself a little higher. Jack.

Jack.

It was funny. I'd come to know him over the months. To talk with him. Learn about him. And his named still seemed foreign. Jack.

I paused. I could feel something creeping inside of me. It was a strange emotion and for a second, up in my very tall tree with a hanging basket of fruit next to me, I just stood there examining it. I couldn't quite tell whether it was a positive or negative feeling, and that notion scared me.

"Hey, Freckles."

I emotionally jumped. I grabbed a tighter hold onto the tree and looked down. "Sawyer," I said. No word of greeting. Just 'Sawyer'.

"Good morning to you too," he said roughly.

I cast him a semi-amused look. "Catch," I said.

"What?"

I threw the fruit bag down at him and he struggled to catch it before it hit the ground. He did so clumsily. I smiled. "Hold it there."

I reached up and picked more fruit off the tree and threw it down into his bag. "So …" I trailed casually. "Seeing as I highly doubt this is merely a social visit, spit out whatever you want to say."

Sawyer looked at me, a tad surly for a second, and then grinned slyly as he always did. "Jeez, Freckles, I'm kinda offended. What makes you think this ain't a social visit?"

"Because it's you, Sawyer," I replied bluntly. "You never make social visits."

Sawyer looked at me with cold calculating eyes, then bowed his head slightly, smiling. "You're right. I don't."

I threw another fruit down into the bag. "So what do you want?"

Sawyer's eyes squared with mine. "I wanna know if you're sleeping with Jack."

His words seemed to sucker-punch me. And it hurt. My heart leaped into my throat. I tried to keep my voice calm. "Sawyer, you're crazy."

"Yeah," he whispered. His voice was a dead hiss. "I'm crazy to think you're sleeping with Jack. Musta been crazy when I saw him leaving your tent this morning. With you."

I turned around, while grabbing onto the branches to keep from falling off the tree. I opened my mouth then closed it again. I just stared at him. He smiled, an almost hurt smile. "What, did you think I wouldn't find out, Kate? You think you could keep it a secret?"

My tongue was numb in my mouth. "I'm not sleeping with Jack," I whispered.

"Kate, I _saw _you!" His voice was bitter. "At least have the decency not to lie to me."

"I'm not lying." My protest seemed weak, even to me. Sawyer shook his head, and the gesture stung.

"Okay, Kate." His voice was soft to my ears, but I could detect the underlying note of hardness. Sawyer never bared his soul to anyone. I was one of the very few. I knew that. And I knew, even though he'd never said it, though I'd never acknowledged it, that there was something between us. I didn't know quite what it was. It wasn't friendship, and it wasn't attraction. But it was something.

And somewhere in the last thirty seconds, I'd managed to break whatever that bond was.

33333333333333333

**Later that Afternoon  
Jack's Cave  
Jack's POV**

"Hey, K –"

"I'm having a really bad day." Kate's words are out before mine finish. She plops herself down in the airplane seat beside me. She rubs her temples wearily and I instantly feel for her.

I reached over and gently rubbed her back. It was a friendly gesture, but an almost slightly intimate one. Or well, it had that effect. She looked up at me, her hazel eyes seemed to cloud over. She blinked slowly. And for a second, we just stared at each other. Eyes locked.

"Um," I said and I dropped my hand. "What happened?"

Kate pulled her eyes from me and seemed to relax into the seat. She sighed. "Sawyer happened."

I paused. I didn't know what to say to that. Sawyer. He was a very touchy subject with me. From day one we didn't get along. And having Kate stuck in the middle of the mess … it made it all the more personal. And things really didn't need to get more personal between me and Sawyer.

"What … happened with Sawyer?" I spoke slowly, almost afraid of the answer. It was no secret to me that Sawyer and Kate were close. Okay well, maybe not close close. But close enough to be …

I didn't even want to think about it.

She looked at me with tired eyes. "He thinks we're sleeping together."

I choked on the air I was breathing. I looked up at her. "_What?"_

"He saw you leaving my tent this morning," Kate said almost robotically. "He thinks we're sleeping together."

"Oh." My words seem to fail me. Sawyer thinks. Me and Kate. Sentences couldn't form in my mind. And then I felt it. A deep emotion brewing inside of me, gnawing to be released. And it was, in pure form, an intense proud joy. I grinned.

"Jack," Kate whispered. The admonishment is clear, but I can hear an underlying note of amusement. "Jack, it's not funny."

"I know," I said. I closed my eyes. I did know. I did. But I remembered golfing against Sawyer, how Kate had sided with him. I remembered being back at the camp as I worried over Kate and Sawyer, alone in the jungle together all night. I remembered everytime she smiled at him, and everytime he subsequently looked over at me and winked. It was a she-prefers-me wink. And I grinned. I grinned broadly.

"Jaaaack." Kate prolongs my name, and the distress in her voice is evident.

I sobered. I touched her arm gently. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

She nodded in immediate forgiveness. And we were both silent.

"Okay," I said after a few minutes. "I assume you already told him we're not sleeping together."

"Yes," Kate said slowly.

I shrugged my shoulders. "Then I don't see what more we can do. He thinks it. Neither you nor I can change his mind. And I just don't see Sawyer spreading the word to everyone. The last thing he'd want was it getting around that you prefer me to him …"

Then I stopped. What had I just said? Seriously? What had I just said? I froze.

Kate looked at me with a foreign expression. The air around us seemed to hang. "You're right," she said.

I was right? Had she just said that? For a second, I felt numb. But then … there was two ways to take that. The first one being that she really did like me more than Sawyer, and Sawyer wouldn't want that getting around camp. And the second being … well, Sawyer just didn't want that getting around camp. It didn't mean that she liked me more than him. I shook my head. This was beginning to sound like seventh grade all over again.

Kate noticed the gesture and smiled. "Jack …" she whispered. Her voice had sobered, her face was serious.

"Yeah," I said gently, like if I spoke too fast my words would break.

Kate drew a careful breath. "It's not you, Jack," she said. "I mean … I don't mind people knowing that we're close. I think people think that already. I don't mind Sawyer knowing it either. But Sawyer's mind just jumped to the extreme. And he was hurt by it. I could tell. I don't know if it was the fact that I hadn't told him I was sleeping with you or that I wasn't sleeping with him or that … well, that I was sleeping with _you_. But it hurt him, and that was definitely something I could have done without."

Kate stopped rambling and sighed. Her eyes met mine squarely. "I'm sorry for all this, Jack."

I smiled. "There isn't anyone else I'd rather be in this situation with."

I touched her arm gently. She moved a little closer to me. I smiled again. I was doing that a lot lately. Smiling. And I wondered, as I looked into those hazel eyes, if maybe, that wasn't due to a certain someone.

"I'll see you later," Kate whispered. Her breath tickled my skin. That's how close we were.

"Yeah," I said. I touched her back. The fabric of her shirt grazed my fingers. "See you."

Kate moved to turn away then hesitated. She looked back at me. Our eyes met. She stood clearer than ever before me. I seemed to shrink from her gaze. She bit her lower lip. I ran my hand through my hair. And then, just like that, she pulled me close, hands at the back of my neck causing my arms to fall around her, with her lips on my cheek. Just like that.

"Thanks," she whispered. Then she pulled away, smiling kind of awkwardly, and walked back into the jungle as if nothing had happened. As if this was a part of our daily routine.

But for a few seconds. For those few hesitant seconds, the world had ceased spinning. Just like that.

**A/N: I'm coming back from my trip on Thursday but hopefully (fingers crossed) I can get another chapter out before then. So … review! Leave a cookie! Critcism! Both, if you're feeling particularly generous! Whatever. All's welcome. **


	5. Done with Intent

**A/N: Wow, I haven't posted in like ... a month. Or something like that. Anyways, I went back to school which is why I haven't posted in a while. But now that I'm easing back into the usual routine, I can actually get some chapters out. So … yeah. **

**Late Evening  
The Beach  
Jack's POV**

"Alright, spill it."

Claire sat gingerly down beside me on the rocks, holding a gurgling Aaron. I looked at her, her pointed stare nailing me against the nonexistent wall. "What?" I said.

"Spill." She pushed Aaron into her lap and moved closer to me. "You ..." she pointed at me. "Sawyer …" she pointed at his fading figure as he disappeared towards the tents. "And Kate …"

I jumped at the sound of her name. "What?" I repeated.

"Jack, I'm not a fool." Claire's voice resounded practically in my ears. "I see the way Sawyer's been staring at you all day. And the way Kate's avoiding you. And how nice she's being to Sawyer. Something's turned this island upside down. And you," she paused dramatically. "Are right in the middle of it."

I looked down at the ground. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Jaaack."

"Claaaire."

She cast a stubborn glance at me.

"May I?" I asked and when she nodded, I picked Aaron up off her lap. He lingered lightly in my hands, looking up at me with big blue eyes. I rocked him. He smiled. "It's nothing, Claire. It's between Sawyer and Kate."

"But you know what it is," Claire said. "And you're involved. I know it."

I sighed. "I may be involved, but it's still none of my business. Again, it's between Sawyer and Kate."

"And what _is_ going on between Sawyer and Kate?" Claire pressed. "I mean, it's kind of common knowledge that Sawyer and Kate are close. But by close … well like, the polls are cut right in half."

"What do you mean?" I was suddenly interested. Did people really have nothing better to do than engage themselves in gossip? I mean, really.

"Half the group thinks … well, it's you and Kate. The other half are Sawyer and Kate. But so far, there's no clear winner." Claire seemed quite disturbed by this fact. It sort of struck me as odd that, despite the fact that everyone on the island seemed to know about the me-Sawyer-Kate triangle, I was only just hearing about this now. And that Claire wasn't the least frightened to tell me about it.

"Yeah, is that so?"

"Yup …" Claire nodded. Her eyes watched my every movement with Aaron, maternal instinct kicked somewhat in overdrive. But she was a new mother. That was pretty much expected. "So … you're not going to give me any insight, are you?"

"And have it all over the island?" I grinned. "I don't think so."

"I could keep a secret."

"Yeah," I laughed. "Right."

"_Seriously. _I could. Just try me."

I sighed, shaking my laughter. "The truth is, Claire. I have no clue what's going on between us. Me and Kate. And I don't know what's going on between her and Sawyer. It's not my place to ask."

"Not your place to ask?" Claire repeated. One eyebrow had risen sort of angrily. Her eyes glared deprecatingly at me. "Not your place to ask? Jack. News flash: You're her _best friend_. If you don't get to ask, who does?"

Her words hit me with a painful truth. "So … are you just going to sit here and wonder … or are you going to ask her? Because Jack, if you put it off any longer, who knows which way this game of tug-a-war's gonna go." Her voice strikes me as kind of desperate. "Because … and no offence, Jack. Sawyer's a tugger. And you're more of a holder."

"I'm a … what?"

Claire sighed exasperatedly. "Sawyer tugs the rope. And you hold it. Holding is like … like never making a move but you're still always there. If you understand that. It's like … Kate always knows you're there. You're always a possibility. Always an option. But you never actually give yourself a sales pitch. Sawyer, now he's a tugger. He's there, and he lets everyone know it. There's no question that he's a possibility. He opens the door."

"You must have watched a lot of tv back home."

"Jack, I'm being serious." I could tell she was too. There was a very pure sort of earnesty in her voice.

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry."

I grew quiet. Claire's eyes pressed me insistently. "Jack. What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," I said and then shook my head, smiling. "Has anyone ever told you you're nosey?"

"Only half the Australian population."

"Hm. Not bad," I said. "Considering how nosey you actual-"

"Shut up."

I grinned, handing her Aaron. "Yeah, not bad at all."

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**Late Night  
Beach  
Still Jack's POV**

"John's getting crazier, Jack." Sayeed's voice is dark, flat. "He's spending every day in the jungle. Just like he used to do with Boone. And you know what happened last time …"

It was a secret meeting. A kind of nighttime tribunal if you will. I was present. So were Sayeed, Charlie, Hurley, and Michael. I grinned kind of wryly and the thought of Kate missing out on this. If she ever found out, she'd hate me for life.

It was an imaginable thought.

"John's not pulling another Boone," I said. My voice wasn't loud, but it still carried. "He's not as crazy you think." Uneasy glances met my words. "Guys …" I whispered. "John learned from what happened with Boone. He trusts us now."

"Really?" Sayeed said. Silence met his voice. "You really think he trusts us, Jack?"

I got up off the sand, "I'm not doing this, guys," I said.

"Doing what?" Michael asked.

"I'm not going to prosecute John for something he may or may not have done. Look, I'll talk to him. I'll find out what's going on his head, and then I'll get back to you," I said, beginning to walk away. "But until then, John's business is John's business. And none of us have the right to invade it."

"Jack."

I was walking away. Fast.

"Jack!"

And out of earshot. The moon wasn't as full as it was the night before. It was mostly hidden by cloud, hanging luminously above the water. I stopped as I reached the water's edge, and cupped a handful to wipe on my face. It was colder than I'd thought it to be, and sent shivers racing up and down my spine.

"Uhhhhh."

I turned. The soft moan echoed in my ears. I felt the hairs on the back of my neck suddenly bristle. Where had that come from?"

"Ugghhhh."

Kate? I found myself suddenly sprinting towards her tent. I couldn't figure out why. I didn't even stop to analyze why. But if it was Kate … if it was _Kate … _I needed to be there. I stumbled up to her tent, breath short but not exhausted. I pushed myself through the flap.

"No…" Kate's voice gnawed at me through the darkness. "No … please no …" Tears drowned her voice. "Oh, God no … please … don't …"

"Kate," I whispered. My vision seemed to straighten. There she laid, on the bare mattress, her blankets thrown scatteredly to the side. Sweat clung to her chest and neck, her body twisted with uncontrolled agony. "Oh, Kate."

"Help me," she whispered. Her lips were white. Her eyes were closed. She'd never looked more desperate.

I was by her side instantly.

"Shh," I whispered. Her body seemed to roll towards mine, and I took her in my arms. The back of her t-shirt was soaked in sweat. "Wake up," I whispered. I shook her gently. "Kate …"

And then she was sobbing in my arms. Sobbing hard, uncontrollably. Her body shook against my chest. "Kate," I said softly in her ear. I couldn't stop saying her name. Her arms had looped themselves around my neck and clung as if they'd never let go. "Katie."

I don't know if anyone's even called her Katie before. It just seemed like a comforting thing to say. She looked so helpless. That was something I never thought I'd say about Kate. And if this is what it took for those words to come out of my mouth, I never wanted to say them again.

"Shh, Kate," I stroked the back of her head, fingers caught in her hair. "It's okay … it was just a dream …"

"It wasn't …" Kate whispered brokenly, and for a second all I felt was relief. Relief that she was speaking. I know it sounds dumb, but to me, at that moment, it really wasn't. "Jack … I can't do this." Her voice was tear-soaked, shaky. She felt so light in my arms. I could feel her bones beneath her t-shirt. That scared me. "I can't do this anymore …"

"You won't have to," I whispered into her ear. My body relaxed to the feel of Kate's on mine. She was so thin, it was like balancing glass. I rubbed her back gently. Her t-shirt had ridden up halfway so my fingers met her bare skin. It was goosebumped and touching it alone made me shiver. "Kate, this isn't going to happen again."

"_Yes it will_," she tried to keep her voice from shaking but it ended up being highpitched and breath-broken. She sucked in a deep breath, forcibly keeping her tone even. "It won't stop," she whispered. Her lower lip trembled. "It just won't … stop …"

"Okay," I whispered. I knew better than to fight her now. I laid her back down against the mattress and she curled against me, head buried between my neck and chest. My hand moved slowly up and down her back, and I listened as her breathing regulated.

Silence filled the tent.

I paused, taking a long look at Kate. Her face was a deep shade of red, tear-stained, nose-runny. Her hair was matted in sweat. Her clothes clung to her, as she clung to me. I trailed my hand up and down her arm. A comforting gesture. Slowly, I eased her away from me, shifting myself off the mattress. But then –

"Jack."

I turned around. She hadn't been as asleep as I'd thought she'd been. She looked at me, and I watched as her lower lip trembled. "Don't leave me."

I was by her side at that second, her curled in my arms with her head against my chest. I buried my hand in her hair. "I'm not going to," I whispered against her skin and she cinched even closer to me.

I was going to have to do something about this. Kate was right. These weren't just nightmares. And something about the way she was crying, how she'd held onto me, clung to me. It made me feel like there was a lot more about Kate to be discovered.

And I intended to find out.

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**A/N: Yeah, long time no see. More chapters coming … it's just been a slow month. Anyways, review if you want. That would be cool. **


	6. Just a Mistake

**A/N: Yeah, long time no see. I'm not good at the updating thing, as you may have noticed. I'd say life's been busy, which it has, and that I haven't had any time to update, which I haven't, but that's not a real excuse because I could have been more efficient, let myself be less busy, and made time to update. But I didn't. So I'm trying to catch up. **

**Bear with me.**

**Besides, well all need something to flood out that stomach-curling make out seen between Sawyer and Kate last week. That's incentive to write just there. **

_**Flashback to Last Chapter:**_

"_Jack."_

_I turned around. She hadn't been as asleep as I'd thought she'd been. She looked at me, and I watched as her lower lip trembled. "Don't leave me."_

_I was by her side at that second, her curled in my arms with her head against my chest. I buried my hand in her hair. "I'm not going to," I whispered against her skin and she cinched even closer to me. "Never."_

**Just a Mistake**

**Late Afternoon**

**The Cave**

**Jack's POV**

"Hey, Jack."

I didn't look up from the box of medical supplies I'd been sorting. "Hi Hur-Hurley!" I turned around suddenly. "Wait!"

He turned and looked up. "What?"

"Have you seen Kate?"

Hurley paused in thought. "Yeah, I think I saw her with Sawyer this morning. Why?"

I paused. "Nothing. Never mind."

"Dude, I can get her for you if you want ..."

"No, I'm fine."

Hurley cast me a strange look. "If you say so, man."

I returned to the bench, running my hands through my hair as I thought. I blinked and the sunlight seemed to mesh with the colors around me. My mind flew back to this morning. I closed my eyes, and slowly succumbed to the weight of the memory ...

* * *

_**Early this Morning**_

_**Kate's Tent**_

_**Jack's POV**_

_Sunlight._

_I rolled over. More sunlight. I flipped back, and rolled right into something. Something soft, smooth to the touch. I inhaled deeply and I struggled to place the smell. Lavender. Firewood. Honeydew. I inhaled even deeper, drowning my senses with the foreign fragrance. It made me dizzy._

_I cinched even closer, pushing my body almost hungrily towards the origin. I felt my face bury itself into something smooth and gentle. My arms seemed to wrap themselves around it, drawing it closer to me. My mind was fuzzy, but my senses on end. My body seemed to melt. Elation seemed to drown my body. Sunlight poured onto me, creeping through my closed eyelids and gnawing at the darkness beneath them._

_I opened my eyes. For a second, the whole world seemed to be underwater, rippling with uncertainty as my vision focused. And then suddenly the fog parted and all was clear. Crystal clear. I looked to my side. There, with every limb wrapped into my body, was Kate. Her head was placed delicately into the crook of my neck, one leg between mine, with my arms completely enveloping her. Nearly all her body weight rested against me, with one of my hands on her lower back, which incidentally was bare of any fabric._

_I paused, eyes closed. Her scent seemed to once again drown me. It took nearly all my effort to simply regulate my breathing. I opened my eyes again. She had not moved. I slowly considered my options. _

_1) Move Kate and slip out before she wakes up or_

_2) Stay and let her wake up with me beside her._

_It was really no choice. I wasn't with Kate because she wanted me. She needed me last night as a friend. As someone to help her, support her. I wouldn't stay and risk her feeling humiliation over last night's events. She wasn't in control. I was. _

_I slowly began to shift her weight off my chest and onto my arm, slipping slightly to the left as I did so. I'd slept with Kate two nights in a row. Well, not slept slept. Just ... slept. Yeah. I shook my head. Clarity was never one of my strong points. _

_I paused, looking back down at Kate. She laid there, with an almost defiant beauty. Despite what happened last night, the insecurity, the fear, her dark eyes remained closed with an almost unreal serenity. Her lips seemed to dip in ever so slightly, and I felt drawn. Magnetically, physically, completely._

_And then it happened. So quick, so impossible, it caught me completely by surprise._

_Just as I tried to slip my arm out from under Kate, she rolled. She rolled ... right towards me. My arm slammed back towards the mattress and I found myself flipped towards her ... onto her. Her eyes seemed to snap open. For a second, we just stared at each other. I was on top of her, with a leg on either side to keep my weight from pressing against her. One arm was still caught beneath her, and the other rested against the mattress on her other side, keeping me from completely falling against her. _

_I'd never been this close to her eyes before. They were big, hazel, and seemed to spiral eternally within her iris. I felt trapped, running in those endless circles around her eyes. She was so close to me. I could feel her breath upon my skin, her hair was trapped beneath my fingers. She was trapped beneath me. The sound of her heartbeat seemed to pound within my ears, obscuring all hearing. My own heartbeat was triple its usual speed. I couldn't take it._

"_Jack," she whispered. Jack. Even my name seemed foreign on her lips. She looked impossibly beautiful as she lay beneath me, her hair trapping every last golden ray within its silk body. Our eyes bridged a train of unspoken thoughts. "Jack," she whispered again. Her voice had grown soft, her eyes began to close. I could feel her so powerfully. "Jack."_

_And my lips were on hers, devouring them hungrily. My body seemed to slam her fragile figure with a force I didn't know I possessed. My other hand slipped out from beneath her body and trapped itself within her hair. Her lips were hot beneath mine, kiss-swollen and wet. I moved my mouth all over hers, and I drank in the moan that escaped her lips as we broke for air. _

_Her chest was heaving from irregular breath, and I enjoyed the fact that I'd been the cause of it. My own heart was racing. And just then, through that small gap in time, the fog before my eyes seemed to part and the rays of clarity seeped through. What had I just done?_

_I looked beneath me. Kate's eyes were closed, her lips parted ever so slightly. Waiting. I held her beneath me. Oh god, what had I just done? Her eyes opened, and once again I was drowned by that sea of hazel. Kate. This was Kate. Kate. My friend. My best friend._

_Kate._

_I lurched off her. She could only stare at me, her eyes wide. I pushed my hand through my hair, standing now. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came to my mind. We stared at each other. I opened my mouth again, but my mind was drawing endless blanks. She looked so innocent, confused, and incredibly alluring in a faded and now crumpled grey t-shirt. I closed my eyes. Don't do this, dammit. I opened them again. Her image had not changed._

_I left._

_I turned around, and pushed myself through the swinging flap of her tent. I could feel a loud rushing in my ears, my heartbeat racing. I walked almost numbly back to the caves. What had I done ... out of all the stupid moronic mistakes I had ever made in my life, this probably took the cake. _

_I kept remembering that look in her eyes when I'd drawn away. Her reaction when the full extent of what had just happened hit her. The feeling of her lips on mine. Hadn't she kissed me back? Or had I been so desperate, I just thought she had?_

_I wouldn't have put it past me. I was delirious. I walked into my cave, with a gnawing feeling of dread. Within the last fifteen minutes, I had destroyed every barrier of friendship that seemed to exist between us. _

_And now we were open for the flood._

* * *

**Late Evening**

**The Beach**

**Kate's POV**

"Hey, Claire," I said walking up to her as she cradled Aaron against her chest, rocking him gently.

"Hi," Claire said smiling. "What are you up to?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Thinking about getting dinner. You?"

"Well, I'd love to eat but ..." Claire sighed with a seemingly content sort of exasperation, "this little guy hasn't been fed yet."

"Do you want me to get you something?"

"No, it's okay. Charlie's already getting something for the both of us," Claire said nodding.

I cocked my eyebrows at her, a mischievous grin playing at my lips. "You and Charlie, eh?" I nudged her.

Claire raised one hand in mock surrender. "Hey, we're completely innocent, I swear. Unlike, however, you and Jack." In turn, she nudged me.

I looked at her. "What do you mean?"

"Oh come _on, _Kate," Claire stretched. "It's all over camp. You don't need to keep it from me."

"Keep what from you?"

Claire stared deprecatingly at me. "All the guys were having some sort of midnight pow wow last night and Jack apparently stormed out. But unlike what one would expect, he did not go back to his cave. Care to venture a guess where our dashing young doctor went?"

"Claire ..." I struggled to explain.

"Why, I think that would be your tent."

"Claire."

"Don't Claire me. I don't need excuses." Her voice was brisk in an almost professional manner. "I always thought you and Jack would make a great couple. And I understand you not wanting to tell anyone, but really, you could have told me. I would have kept it a secret."

"Claire!" I cut in. She looked at me. "Me and Jack aren't together. We have not slept together or anything like that. I've been ... having nightmares ..."

Claire raised an eyebrow.

"I know, I know, if I was you I'd think I'm making it up too," I rambled. "But I've had them almost every other night now this last week and so I went to Jack and he's been trying out methods to stop me from having them and ..."

"And so he sleeps with you?" Claire pointedly questioned.

"No ... I mean, well, he did ... but that's not the method. He got me a ..." and I stopped myself. I swore to Jack I wouldn't tell. I bit my lower lip and prayed to God Claire didn't notice my hesitation. "Never mind," I said. "But last night I had the nightmare again so Jack came and he ... I don't know."

"He what?" Claire asked gently.

"He ... made it better." I wanted to roll my eyes at myself for how cheesy that sounded.

"How?"

"He just ... I don't know, Claire. He just held me and ... talked to me. I mean, I always knew he was a good doctor. The way he just takes charge and all that. How much he cares and the way he gets things done. But last night when he was holding me and just whispering things to me ... you don't learn that in med school. I doubt they teach classes on how to calm hysterical nightmare-driven women," I laughed almost absurdly. "That wasn't Jack the Doctor treating me. That was Jack ... just Jack. And even just being himself, he manages to make people feel better. That's ... that's so amazing, Claire. He's so amazing."

Claire looked at me for a long moment, and for those few seconds, I could no longer tell what she was thinking. A soft smile came to her lips, in what could best be described as a moment of enlightenment. "Where is Jack?"

I looked around. "I don't know. We haven't really seen each other since ..."

This morning. I bit my lower lip at the thought of this morning. Waking up with his hands on me, his breath on my lips, his eyes on mine ... I shivered.

"I'm gonna ... I'm gonna go find him," I said in a voice too high to naturally be my own.

"Okay," Claire nodded somewhat encouragingly.

I wandered out of the beach area and up to the caves. My mind seemed to be numb. My legs were moving fast but all thoughts seemed to just come to a grinding halt. What was I going to say to him? I could just imagine his eyes on me, dark, soaking in my every move. My knees felt weak. What do you say to a guy who time will stop for?

I approached his cave all too quickly. He was sitting there on the medical bench, holding a little tube of polysporin and applying it to a scrape on Walt's knee. I stood back and watched for a second, enjoying his blindness to my presence.

"This will sting," Jack warned in a gentle voice and I heard a small little gasp as Walt clutched his knee for a second and then stood up, as though shaking it off.

"Keep the bandage on," Jack warned and as Walt scampered away, "and don't climb any more trees!"

I smiled and approached him. "Don't you know telling Walt and telling me not to climb trees will only get you the same result?"

Jack's eyes fell on me, and I instantly felt the grating inspection as my whole body was turned inside. "Well," he said shrugging gently. "He's not as stubborn as you."

I smile teasingly. "And just how stubborn do you think I am?"

"Impossibly stubborn."

"I'll take that as a compliment," I smiled.

"You should. Stubborn's an attractive quality."

My eyes leaped up to him, and as though just realizing what he'd said, he looked down. An awkward silence seemed to fall between us. "Why are you here, Kate? Not that I don't want you hear or anything," Jack added quickly. "Just ... you know ..."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Hadn't seen you all day. I guess I wanted to know if you were avoiding me or not."

"Why would I be avoiding you?"

"I don't know Jack, why are you hiding yourself up in your cave?"

Jack just looked at me, and then shook his head, smiling. "Impossibly stubborn."

"Yup, that's me."

He laughed and then almost immediately seemed to somber. "I'm sorry, Kate."

I looked up at him, and my breath seemed to catch in my throat. "For what?"

His voice was pressed. "You _know _what."

I exhaled. "It's okay, Jack, I've already forgotten about it."

"Really?"

I laughed with a painful cheerfulness. "Yeah. We were both half asleep when it happened. We weren't fully conscious. Besides, it's not as if you're all to blame."

"Well, I did kiss you," Jack seemed strangely defensive of his part in the whole thing.

"Yeah, but it wouldn't have been half the fun if I hadn't kissed you back," I smiled cheekily.

Jack's eyes surveyed me for a second and then he gave in to a grin. "That's true."

"You know it, babe."

He looked up at me, and once again, the silence fell. "So we're okay?"

"Yeah," I whispered. My voice tensed. "It was ... just a mistake ..."

He nodded very slowly, reading into me like a book opened so frequently, the spine was already cracking. "Just a mistake."

The night had set and the waterfall was rushing with a sort of hazy serenity to it. Stars studded the sky. The sound of the waves lapsing against the shore drowned the nocturnal quiet. And we walked back to the beach together, Jack and I, as both close and far apart as two people could be.

Because after all, it was just a mistake.

* * *

**A/N: Review with any suggestions, questions, and/or comments. I like feedback. And if you just want to hatefully rant about Sawyer and Kate, you can do that too. Or if you wanna gush on about Kate and Jack and how perfect they are for each other, by all means. Let's fuel that fire. **


	7. One More Night in Hollywood

**A/N: See … two chapters … two weeks … WHO'S GETTING BETTER? Come on, on the count of one … two … three …  
You stopped reading, didn't you. I know you did.  
Whatever … nevrmind …**

**One More Night in Hollywood**

**Late Night  
In the Jungle  
Kate's POV**

"Oh, god, are you serious?" Jack's deep laugh seemed to resonate through the nightly quiet. "Poor Charlie."

I laughed from beside him. "He's sleeping in his own tent tonight."

"Doesn't he always?"

"Figure of speech, Jack."

Jack smiled at me, and though it was dark, I could make out a distinct light in his eyes. Since our admittedly awkward conversation in the caves that evening, we'd eaten dinner together, and kind of … hung out. I shook my head as the phrase sent me hurtling back to my teenage years. But we were on an island. On an island, you quickly find you have a lot of time on your hands, and you spend most of it just hanging around and talking.

Jack didn't though. Jack was always busy. Whether it was his personality of his profession, it never ceased to rob him of a personal life. Which was a shame, I thought as I looked at him, his hair wind-whipped and messy. Because out of all the people I ever knew, Jack could have had the best social life. He was kind and he was funny and was generally personable. But the sight of Jack was rare outside of his cave.

"Soooo," Jack trailed as we walked up to his cave. His hands were jammed into his jean pockets, and he looked at me with a kind of awkwardness that one wouldn't have expected from Jack. "You'll come get me if … you know …"

"Yeah."

"No, really, Kate. I mean it. Come get me." His voice was pure but earnest.

"I will," I said. I looked at him as a sudden gust of wind sent my hair spinning around my neck. "Good night, Jack."

"Night," he said warmly and I could feel his eyes on me as I walked back out of the caves and to my tent. The air was warm, as it had been last night, and I stripped down to a t-shirt and my underwear.

I flipped myself up onto the mattress, and spread out catlike as I pulled the sheets on. I leaned back comfortably against the mattress. There was a very faint background sound of the waves hitting the shore, and I found it strangely comforting. I'd lived on the island for scarcely more than a month, yet it was more a home to me than anything else had been. I had friends here. I had a life here. And as much technologically deprived we were, I was just as happy to be here. Because this life was better than I'd ever had before, and I knew it.

I felt my eyelids begin to slip to a close. The sound of the water was so soft, and the wind whipping gently against my tent was a relaxing sound. My heart thudded rhythmically in my chest and I rolled over in my makeshift bed. The sheets were smooth against my skin. I could feel myself slipping into a slumberous state. The world began to blur. My breathing slowed. And then …

_Thud._

My eyelids snapped open. The grogginess faded. I sat up. What was that? Goosebumps ran down my arms as I crawled out of bed. I sucked a deep breath in, then calmly exhaled. Despite my many flaws, none of them were cracking under pressure. I crawled closer to the tent flaps, calmly inhaled, and then charged through it.

"Ow!"

"Dammit!"

_Clunk._

I felt my legs trip over something hard, bellow my knees. I rolled. My arms flew out. My limbs entangled, and I struggled to clamor off the body I'd seemingly collided with. I looked up in surprise as my vision focused. "Jack?"

"Hey, Kate."

"What are you …" Disorientation seeped into my brain. The world was spinning. "What are you doing here?"

Jack smiled kind of shyly and didn't respond. I looked around. He was wearing a heavy sweatshirt, and had balled up two of his other shirts into a makeshift pillow. Scattered on the ground was a thin airplane blanket. The only scenario this could all add up to was …

I looked at him in surprise. "You were SLEEPING outside my tent?"

"Well … no …" Jack said slowly. I raised an eyebrow at him. He grinned at me. "I'd only just settled down when you … tackled me."

"I didn't tackle you."

"You tackled me, Kate."

"I didn't ta– "

"Yes, you tackled–"

"Okay fine! I tackled you!" I exclaimed in exasperation. Jack's eyes seemed to twinkle in the starlight as he grinned. "God, Jack, why are you sleeping outside my tent?"

Jack grew quiet.

I looked at him, my eyes narrowing. "To protect me?"

"No," he said kind of stubbornly. I stared at him. Hard. "Just … in case anything went wrong … I'd be here …"

"Oh god, get in," I said rolling my eyes.

"What?"

I held open a flap. "Get in the tent."

I pushed him in with me. "You know what, Jack? I think you have a hero complex. I seriously do. I mean, I know you're a doctor and everything, and your job is too look after people and medicate them and make sure they're healthy and etcetera, but you take your job to the extreme. _Sleeping outside my tent?_"

"Well … sue me for caring," Jack said. His eyebrows had furrowed into an annoyed frown.

I smiled and watched as the frown slowly disappeared. "Out of all the things I'd sue you for, that would never be one of them."

Jack opened his mouth in fake shock. "You'd sue me?"

"Doctors are worth a lot, babe."

I laid down on the mattress and Jack followed suit. "You can't sue me for anything. I've been the perfect doctor. I even stayed outside your tent."

"You slept with a patient."

"I did not sleep with y–" Jack cut off, shaking his head at me, a smile brightening his face. "Remind me, when we get back to the real world, never to be your doctor."

"When we get back to the real world, that wouldn't be an issue," I said and I watched as the smile seemed to instantly disappear from his face. A steady quiet grew between the both of us. "In the real world, I'd be in jail. And you'd be in the States, saving lives. In the real world, we'd be polar opposites."

Jack didn't speak for a second, rather watched me. "I don't know, Kate," he said softly. His eyes were beautifully dark. "I don't think we're that different at all. I think we're the same people under different circumstances."

My throat seemed to close under the gravity of his words. "I took a life and you save them," I whispered brokenly.

"And who knows what I would have done if I'd been faced with your situation," Jack whispered. "I don't."

"But I do." I looked at him and smiled almost sadly. "You wouldn't kill Jack. You couldn't."

Jack exhaled softly, and I could tell he was thinking. Really, deeply, thinking. "I could, Kate … and I would … if I could save someone I loved."

I opened my mouth but no words came out. He looked at me. I looked at him. The silence was deafening. My voice seemed to tremble as it left my throat. My words shook. "Like who, Jack? Who would you kill for?"

Jack smiled at me. His eyes seemed endless, just eternal pools of black. He leaned in towards me. His scent filled my senses, smelling familiar yet distinct at the same time. "We're not so different, Kate," he whispered softly in my ear. His chin brushed softly against my cheek. "Despite what you may think."

He drew away, pulling his scent with him. I laid there, eyes cast up to the top of the tent. I exhaled softly. "I wish I'd known you … back then … before this. I wish I'd known you."

"Why?"

"Because … I think out of everyone on this planet, Jack," I said so gently, eyes still cast skyward, "I think you're the only one who could have talked me out of killing him. The only one. And my life wouldn't have been … and then I could have … then I wouldn't be here. Maybe, if I'd just known you before, we wouldn't be here. On this island. Stranded."

"And maybe that's not such a good thing." My eyes jumped to his and his gaze fought mine fiercely. "You think my life was great in Chicago. That I had everything." His voice was soft and terribly aching. "I didn't, Kate. I went to work and I came back. And that was it. That's all. I was lonely as hell. I saw fifty people a day, and not one of them I could call a friend. And then, a plane crash. I'm stranded on an island with fifty other people, any of which I could have seen passing by in one of my days. And … I don't know. Tragedy bonds people together, I guess. I've made friends, companions. I met you. I'd give my Chicago life up for this, Kate," he whispered. "Back in Chicago … I didn't even have one."

I looked at him. Our eyes refused to break gaze. I shook my head. "Neither did I."

"You think maybe John's right?" Jack's voice had a sudden pressing sense of urgency to it. "That we were all brought here for a reason?"

"Fate?"

"Yeah. Fate. Do you believe in fate?"

I considered the question, and smiled desolately. "I'd love to believe in fate, but I've never been much good at believing in anything."

"People like us usually aren't," Jack said. His eyes were boring holes in me. "People like us need others to show them how to."

"I'm past that point," I whispered.

"No," Jack said. His voice was soft. He smiled. "No, you aren't. If you were, you wouldn't be with me now. Talking about could haves, should haves. You'd have given up on possibility." His smile was heart-melting. "In fact, Kate, I'd have to say you're the most unpredictable person I know."

His hand touched my arm and I felt my arms freeze into goosebumps. "A month and a half on this island … and a half a dozen soul-bearing talks. You're like my own personal therapist."

"Hey, it's a two way street here, buddy."

Jack laughed and I did too. When did things get so easy between the two of us? So uncomplicated, so … free. "So Kate, out in the real world … what kind of music did you like?"

"Music?" I asked. I shook my head, smiling. "That's a random question."

"Not really. Music says a lot about a person. And I'm getting to know you."

Jack smiled. I surveyed him shrewdly and then gave in, grinning. Jack's smile was contagious. "I liked rock. The old stuff. Aerosmith, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin. My favorite song was Baba O'Reilley by The Who."

Jack paused in thought and then nodded. "I can see you as a Baba O'Reilley fan. Teenage Wastelands."

"That's right," I said and he laughed. I looked at him. "What about you?" He stared at me. "Please, god, don't say you're a classical music fan …"

"I'm not."

"Thank the lord."

Jack grinned and nudged me. "I liked easy rock. Mostly the new kind, but some old."

"Favorite band?"

"U2."

"They're pretty old."

"They're pretty good."

I looked at him and couldn't help but move a little closer. This personal investigation we were conducting, it was bringing us closer in more ways than one. "Favorite song?"

He paused in thought, eyes calm and evaluating. "A Long December by the Counting Crows."

"That's different."

"Yeah, I guess. I don't know. I always liked it. It's sad … it's happy … it's just refreshing. Hopeful. You know? Mourning the loss of another year, praying for the beginning of a new one." I was seeing an all new side of Jack. A deeper one. A softer one. And I liked it.

I smiled and then, out of the crack between the two tent flaps, I could see a few small beams of light traveling through. Already the sun was starting to rise. I grinned amusedly at him. "I think we should go to sleep," I said. "It's been a long December."

"And it's one more day up in the canyon," he said, and as he laid back down in the mattress, his arm seemed to brush mine, once again chilling me.

I smiled and closed my eyes. The sound of the ocean returned. The soft breeze. The heat from Jack's body. The rhythm of his heartbeat. They seemed to serenade me into the world of slumber. My breathing regulated. My vision disappeared, and I was left with nothing but me and the world. I sighed. "And it's one more night in Hollywood."

* * *

**A/N: Reviews! I love them. I swear I do. Guys, you are a-ma-zing. Seriously. You brighten my day. And considering the fact I have a helluva lot of homework to do, a little light would be appreciated. WHO SAW LOST ON WEDNESDAY??? Freaking amazing, if you ask me. Which you didn't. **

**Whatever. **

**Your Homework: Listen to A Long December by the Counting Crows. No, it's not my favorite song, but ... I don't know ... I was really in the mood to listen to it tonight, so I wrote it in. Anyways, listen to it. Maybe you'll like it. Jack's right. It's different. **


	8. Behind in My Wake

**A/N: I'm reposting chapter eight because it was insufferably short so … WHOLE NEW ENDING TO THIS CHAPTER! Yeyah. **

**Behind In My Wake**

_**Jack's Dream ...**_

_**Obviously Jack's POV...**_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

"_Kate," I whispered groggily. Exhaustion licked my eyes. I squinted hazily through the early morning darkness. "Kaaate."_

_Kate turned over in the bed, so her head was against my shoulder, with both her arms wrapped around me in a comfortable embrace. She yawned, eyes still closed, and buried her head into the crook of my neck._

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _

"_Don't go," she whispered sleepily._

_I seemed to roll into her, arms wrapping themselves around her waist. My hand slapped the still beeping alarm. "I gotta go," I whispered against her forehead._

"_No." She tightened her hold on me, like a child would a parent. She was so tired. I could see it in her eyes. _

_I twisted out of her embrace, and stumbled across the clothing-strewn floor, tripping over one of my own shoes in the process. I heard Kate's tired laugh and turned. She smiled sleepily at me. "I told you to put your shoes at the front last night."_

_I pulled my pants on and bent over her, kissing her lightly on the lips. "Last night was worth the trip." I smiled against her mouth. "If you pardon the pun."_

_She pushed me away in exasperation, only to pull me back in by the collar of my shirt. "Be back," she whispered softly. Her eyes were closed again. Fatigue was taking its toll._

_I kissed her forehead. "I will," I whispered, and I nuzzled her neck for a second. Kate's skin was incredibly soft. "Kate," I whispered._

_Her eyes were closed._

"_Kate."_

_No sign of movement. Not even a murmur of response._

"_Kate," I whispered a little more urgently this time. I shook her slightly._

_Her head fell limply to the side._

"_Kate!" I was calling now. "Kate!" Her body hung motionlessly beneath me. "Kate!"_

"Kate ... Kate ..."

"Jack?"

My eyelids opened, and I was instantly blinded by the light that met them. I blinked hazily. I looked to my side. Beneath my right arm was a very wide awake, very live, bright eyed brunette. "Kate?" I whispered in confusion.

She smiled at me. "That's me."

I looked around us. Sheets were thrown scattered across the mattress. A small blanket was thrown oddly across our legs. She was woven into me, with one leg between mine, and one arm laying across my stomach. "What ... what was ..."

"You were saying my name," she whispered. I subtly noted the fact that she made no attempt to pull away from our awkward position.

"Yeah, I ..." I looked around the tent. Sunlight filtered in through the semi-open flap, and some weathered holes in the fabric of the walls. "I was having a dream about you."

A smirk came to Kate's lips. "Dreaming about me, huh?"

She raised both eyebrows in such a suggestive expression, I had to laugh. She smiled at me. "Soooo," she trailed. "Anything good in this dream?"

I felt her elbow nudge me gently in the side. I smiled, and subconsciously ran my hand along the length of her arm, leaving us both with unexpected chills. I felt her leg involuntarily rub mine. I'd never been struck before by how smooth her legs were. But I was just then. I sobered a little.

"You were dying," I whispered. I felt her shift a little within my arms, but she didn't pull away.

"Oh, well, that's cheerful."

I laughed and she did too. My arm seemed to pull her closer. "Very."

She smiled, and her eyes seemed to glow darker. It really struck me at that moment, how very very close she was. She was barely more than a breath away. For a long moment, we just looked at each other. The smile on her face seemed to disappear.

"For a second," she whispered softly. "I could have sworn you were worried."

Her eyes were dark pools of black. "For a second I was." Her lips were painstakingly close to mine. "And then I woke up."

A deep silence seemed to bridge between us. My fingers were tingling. I kept reminding myself to breathe. She looked down, averting her eyes from mine. The silence was deafening.

She got up. "Well ... we should ... you know ..."

"Yeah," I said. I got up too. "I should go."

"Yes ... I mean, no ..." Confusion filled her eyes. "I don't know what I mean ... Crap."

I laughed at the indecision on her face. "I should go anyway. I have stuff to do."

"Right. Stuff."

"See you later?"

"Right. Later. Yes."

I turned to leave, and then swiveled back. "And Kate?"

"Yeah?"

I leaned in close. "If you died ..." my mouth rested right next to her ear. "I'd be devastated."

With that, I left the tent, leaving a stunned looking Kate behind in my wake.

* * *

**The Beach  
Late Afternoon  
Kate's POV**

"Hey, Kate."

I looked up from the dead tree I'd been carving. "Hey, Charlie."

I watched as Charlie opened his mouth, closed it, turned around, turned back, turned around again, opened his mouth, closed it, moved back, stepped forward then …

"For God's sake, Charlie, say what you want to say," I said.

"I wasn't going to …"

I stared pointedly at him. Charlie sat down. "How do you … I mean … as a woman, how would you …" Charlie sucked a deep breath in. "Um … when would you say you were ... uhh …"

I leaned forward a little, waiting for something more.

"… How do you know when you're in a relationship?"

I stared blankly at him, as if I'd somehow misheard. "How do you know when you're in a relationship?"

Charlie stood up. "Forget it. Stupid question."

I sighed and grabbed onto his shirttail. "Sit down."

He did so obligingly. I put down the knife. "I assume you're talking about Claire."

"I'm not talking about Cl –"

My eyes nail him to the nonexistent wall.

Charlie sighed. "… Yeah … yeah, I am."

I patted him on the arm. "Well, usually, Charlie, people talk about their relationships, so they can find out where they're at. There's no real specific signs. I mean, you just sort of know. When you're over at his place nearly every day. When every night you're not there, you're on the phone with him. When you get a bouquet of flowers from him when you fight, or even just otherwise. When you start adding his last name to your first just to hear what it sounds like …"

"Kate, we're on an island."

"Oh …" I said, and flung myself out of my fantasy. "Right … yeah … well, I don't know. What kind of signs has she been giving you?"

Charlie looked down at the ground, as though in thought. "Yesterday, we were eating dinner in her tent. I was playing with Aaron and … she asked me what I thought would be a good middle name for him. Like … like it was our decision. Mutually. Like … like we were …"

"A couple," I finished.

Charlie looked down, as though embarrassed. "Like I was Aaron's dad."

I smiled. "It's a nice feeling. A family."

"Yeah," he said. His voice was kind of rough. "Yeah, it is."

I sighed, and put one arm around Charlie's shoulder. "Charlie," I said slowly. "I think you should talk about this with Claire. I can give you tips on how to figure out what stage in your relationship you're in, but if you just talk to her, then she knows what you're feeling and you know where she stands."

"But Kate," Charlie's voice cut in. "You don't know how hard it is talking like that … to someone you really like …"

_Jack exhaled softly, and I could tell he was thinking. Really, deeply, thinking. "I could kill, Kate … and I would … if I could save someone I loved."_

_I opened my mouth but no words came out. He looked at me. I looked at him. The silence was deafening. My voice seemed to tremble as it left my throat. My words shook. "Like who, Jack? Who would you kill for?"_

_Jack smiled at me. His eyes seemed endless, just eternal pools of black. He leaned in towards me. His scent filled my senses, smelling familiar yet distinct at the same time. "We're not so different, Kate," he whispered softly in my ear. His chin brushed softly against my cheek. "Despite what you may think."_

I shook my head, dislodging the memory. "I do, Charlie," I said.

He looked up at me. "Jack?"

"No –"

Charlie stared pointedly at me.

I sighed, relenting. "Yeah," I whispered, nodding. "Jack."

Charlie grinned at me, nudging my arm with his left shoulder. "So are you two?" he raised both eyebrows suggestively.

"Charlie!"

"What?" He feigned innocence with his charming accent. "A guy can't ask a few questions around here?"

I pushed him, laughing. "Go away."

Charlie laughed and then suddenly stood up, staring to the left. He grinned at me. "Knight in Shining Armor, two o'clock."

I turned around fast, eyes following his gaze until they fell upon none other than Jack Shephard who was walking, I realized with a now rapidly beating heart, straight towards us.

"I'll just leave you two alone," Charlie crooned in my ear, getting up to leave.

"Charlie," I whispered, with a sudden urge to my voice. "Sit back down."

"See you later Kate!" Charlie declared loudly and as he began to walk away, amidst my desperate whispers for his return, a certain someone else approached me. That someone else, was Jack Shephard.

"Hey, Kate."

I turned to look up at him, silently praying that he could not hear how fast my heart was beating. "Hey, Jack."

Jack sat down beside me. "Wutcha doing?"

"Umm …" _What was I doing? _I closed my eyes. My mind was blank. _God help me._ "I'm cutting out wooden poles for Charlie."

"Charlie?" Jack asked. He turned around and I inwardly groaned as Jack caught a very obviously eavesdropping Charlie lurking five yards away from us. He turned back to me with the trace of a smile on his lips. "What does Charlie need wooden poles for?"

I sucked in a deep breath, as though that could slow my heartrate. "He and Eko are planning on building a church," I said, not daring to look at him.

"A church?" Jack repeated the idea to himself. "I never knew Charlie was religious."

"Neither did I." I was still hacking away at the dead tree.

Jack looked at it. "Do you need any help with that?"

I looked up to meet his eyes, knife stopping midway through sawing a branch off. "No, I think I'm g –"

I caught Charlie's stubborn glare my way. Yes, he was still eavesdropping.

I bit my lower lip. This was really not good for my heart. I sucked in a deep breath. "Actually, some help would be great."

Even Jack looked a little surprised by my answer. "Yeah?" he said.

I nodded my head, in disbelief over my own words. Since when did I need help cutting a little wood? "Yeah," I said.

Jack smiled, this great bright smile.

I smiled back at him.

"Hey, Charlie!" he called.

From behind him, I saw Charlie stumble. "Yeah, Jack?" he said.

Jack looked at him seriously. "I think Claire's looking for you, buddy."

His eyebrows rose in worry. "She is? Where? When?"

"Saw her a few minutes ago. Caves. She was asking for you."

"Caves. Right. Caves," Charlie repeated to himself. And with that, he dashed off.

I looked at Jack curiously. "Claire's looking for Charlie," I repeated slowly.

Jack didn't look up. "Yep."

I smiled. "Jack Shephard, you're lying."

He bit his lower lip, and then broke into a smile. He looked up at me. "What gave me away?"

"I know you, Jack," I said. I gazed at him fondly. "If Claire really had been looking for Charlie, as soon as you'd seen him you would have told him."

Jack looked down almost embarrassed, and I knew he agreed with me. "Yeah," he said finally.

"So … why'd you want him gone?" I nudged him.

His voice dropped husky low as he leaned in towards me. "Cuz I want you all to myself, babe."

I laughed and Jack laughed, and as he leaned to whisper something into my ear, both our foreheads collided, and we fell back into the sand. I closed my eyes, laughing. "We're incredibly uncoordinated, you know."

Jack laughed, his head laying next to mine in the sand. "It's true."

I looked over at him. The light seemed to capture the expression on his face perfectly. Content, light. Happy. The wind whipped his hair back and he ran his fingers through it, eyes cast to the ocean. I bit my lower lip, far off in thought.

_How do you know when you're in a relationship? _

* * *

**A/N: Told you I'd post Monday! Sure, it's half an hour till Tuesday butttt I kept my end of the deal. Which is what matters most. Hemhem. Anyways, look for a post around … Friday sound good?**


	9. Her Story to Tell

**A/N: Hey. I'm updating again. See? I'm getting better. As for the ep on Wednesday … man guys, that was DEEP. And I know you're all probably aching from the Sawyer/Kate sex. I am too. Don't worry. But Kate refused to leave Jack! So that's something. Really.**

**Man, I can't wait till February 7th. **

**Her Story to Tell**

**Late Evening  
The Beach  
No POV**

"Hey, Claire."

"Hey, Sa … Sawyer?" Claire looked up in obvious surprise. "What's … new?"

Sawyer shrugged. He stared moodily at the ground. "How's the … kid?"

Claire looked down at Aaron, tucked neatly in her arms. "The kid's good."

"That's good."

"Yeah."

They both lapsed into silence. Claire looked up at him. "Is there something you wanted, Sawyer?" Sawyer looked at her. "Not that I'm implying I don't enjoy your company," she added hastily. "Just … you know … we don't talk …"

"God, what is this? Highschool?"

Claire smiled at the comment. "You could say that."

Sawyer paused, and continued to look at the ground. "So … if this is highschool …" he mumbled. "You'd be … you know, the one to go to for gossip, I suppose."

Claire surveyed him calculatingly. "I guess. Yeah."

"If we were in highschool, I'd be the bad boy on the motorbike ditching class and smoking in the halls."

"You would be."

"And Jacko would be the valedictorian that everyone knew was going someplace."

Sawyer had this hazy look in his eyes. "Where are you going with this?" Claire asked, but Sawyer continued.

"Kate'd be the girl on the back of my bike, smoking my cigarette, wearing my jacket."

Claire remained quiet.

"What, you don't think so?" Sawyer had this challenging tone to his words.

Claire spoke calmly and slowly. "I think Kate's a lot different from how you portray her. I don't think she's as wild as you think she is."

"So you think she'll end up with the good doc?"

"What does Jack have anything to do with it?"

"Don't give me that, you know he's got everything to do with it," Sawyer whispered. There was a very twisted sort of agony to his voice, that he was clearly trying to suppress but failing to do so. "You think she should be with Jack."

"Who Kate chooses to be with is her choice, Sawyer. I have nothing to do with it." Claire spoken with a forcibly even tone.

"But you want it to be Jack. Everyone wants it to be Jack."

"Who cares?" Claire's voice suddenly erupted. Sawyer looked at her. "Who cares if I want it to be Jack? Who cares if everyone wants it to be Jack? You know Kate. A choice that big, Kate will make herself. Not anyone else. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just Kate."

"Kate will choose him." Sawyer's voice was blunt and miserable. His eyes scanned the beach, and fell upon Kate, sitting next to Jack. "Maybe she already has." His eyes flipped to Claire. "Do you know?"

"I'm sorry, Sawyer, I don't."

"And if you did would you tell me?"

Claire's eyes traveled to Kate, who was leaning in close to Jack, laughing at something he said. She sighed. "It's her story to tell."

* * *

**Later that Night  
Kate's POV  
The Beach**

"So, have you been having any dreams lately?" Jack asked seriously. Darkness had fallen at least an hour ago, but Jack and I still remained seated on the log near the campfire. We were the only ones out, everyone having retired to their tents twenty minutes ago.

I shook my head smiling. "You'd know if I did. You've been in my bed every night since my last one."

Jack shook his head, grinning at my comment. "You phrased it that way deliberately."

I smiled back. "Got that right."

A comfortable silence ensued. I yawned. The night air was so warm.

Jack noted my yawning. "Hey," he said, nudging me lightly. "You're tired. You should sleep."

"I'm not," I yawned, "that tired."

"I call your bluff," he said. He got up and threw some sand on the fire. He offered his hand to me, and I took it as he pulled me up. "Come on," he said.

"Wow, walking me to my tent," I said, grinning as we strolled along the beach. "You're a modern day gentleman."

Jack winked at me. "I try my best."

_What were we doing? _a little voice inside my head asked. This casual flirting. What was it? Was it just that? Casual flirting, with no depth to it? Or was there depth, and we just didn't let it out? Did we actually harbor deeper more serious feelings to each other? Again … _What were we doing? _

"So …" I trailed as we approached the entrance to my tent. "We're here …"

Jack grinned at me. "Do I get to kiss you goodnight?"

_What had he just said???? _I opened my mouth, then closed it. Several times. Jack winked at me, "Just joking," he whispered.

My heart seemed to deflate like a balloon. _What was this man doing to me?_

Jack laughed a little. "These last few days, your tent's become a second home to me."

"You mean third," I said.

He looked up, questioningly.

"I mean, there's your home back in Chicago. And your cave … then my tent …" I trailed.

He winked at me. He was doing that a lot. Winking, I mean. "I'd take your tent over my cave any day."

"Oh yeah?" I said, grinning playfully. "This from the man who was the biggest Cave Habitat preacher I know."

"Well, I didn't say the cave didn't have its merits," he said, more seriously. "It's safer, and it's got a clean water source. But," he sighed. "You were right. About the beach. It's more …"

"Homey."

"Yeah," he said, tasting my word. "Homey."

I smiled. "Well, you're welcome to my tent anytime."

"Ditto to my cave."

Both of us smiled, but his eyes looked so serious. "I'm serious, Kate. If you have another nightmare, I want you to come get me. I don't care how late it is, or I'm asleep. I want to know. Please. Get me."

"Jack …" I trailed, looking away. "It's just nightmares. It isn't a big deal."

"Yes, Kate, it is," his voice pierced strongly into mine. "It is a big deal. It's obviously hurting you, and I want you to swear that when you have one, you'll come get me."

I sighed, inwardly relishing his concern for me, which I know is wrong on some levels, but felt oh so good. "I will, Jack," I said convincingly. "I swear. And you don't have to sleep outside of my tent to make sure."

Jack laughed. "Yeah, well every time I slept with you, nightmares were never an issue."

"Yeah, Jack," I grinned amusedly. "You're my best medicine."

"Hey, what better antidote could you order? You got the doctor himself."

"Well," I rolled my eyes. "I wish I could get a better one."

An expression of mild offense shadowed Jack's face. "A better doctor than _me?" _he echoed.

"No offense, Jack, but you're a bed hog."

Jack opened his mouth. "I am _not_ a bed hog."

I laughed at how scandalized he looked by my words. "Yeah," I grinned. "You are."

"I'll have you know that one of the comments my wife always made is that we slept at opposite ends of the bed. Of course, she wasn't really praising me then. Something about us not being close enough …"

"Your sex must have been terrific."

Jack looked at me, shaking his head and grinning at the same time. "Is there anything you _won't _say?"

"You'll be hard pressed to find something," I said. He smiled at me. I smiled back. "I can't imagine you never cuddled with your wife," I said, painfully aware of the awkwardness of the turn this conversation was about to take. "You're such a touchy guy."

"I'm a … what?" Jack looked incredulously at me.

"Hey guys."

Jack and I whirled around to see a very tired looking Charlie walking towards us. "Look, don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you've both got so much energy in you that you can have an enthusiastic conversation at this time of night," he said, eyelids drooping heavily. "But others are trying to sleep, and can't while you're outside the tent. So please, for the love of god, go inside and get it on in there."

"Charlie!" both Jack and I exclaimed at the same time.

Charlie blinked, zombie like. "What?" he asked groggily.

I rolled my eyes and opened the flap of my tent, Jack following me in. "I didn't think we were _that_ loud," I said, flopping down onto my mattress. Jack fell down beside me.

"I'm a touchy guy?" he repeated my words from before. He leaned over to look at me. "A touchy guy?"

I smiled. "It's not a _bad _thing," I said. "You like to … touch. A lot of women like that."

"Yeah?" he said. His voice had suddenly dropped to a whisper. His eyes were dark pools of black. "What about you?"

"Oh yeah," I said, also dropping my voice to a hushed tone. I leaned into him. "Me especially," I whispered.  
He grinned at me. "Good."

And before I knew it, he had me writhing in laughter as he tickled my bare waist. I rolled over on top of him, nearly in hysterics. "Jack …" I wheezed. "Stop … please …"

"Why?" he whispered in my ear. His hands had traveled to my back. "I think this is a lot of fun."

"Jaaaaaack …" I whimpered against his neck. His fingers were driving me crazy. "_Jack."_

And suddenly he stopped. His fingers stopped moving, but his arms rested around my waist, and it suddenly struck me what an awkward position we were in. He was lying in the middle of the mattress, with me on top of him, both my legs between his. I had my arms around his neck. He had his on my back. We were breath upon breath.

"Wanna stay here tonight?" I murmured.

He smiled. "Why not?" he said. "You won't get a nightmare if I do."

"But I may end up sleeping on top of you, bed hog."

"Hey," he winked as I rolled up off the top of him. "What's the downside?"

* * *

**A/N: Hey, got an opinion about Tuesday's ep? Review!!! I'm going crazy wondering what you guys all thought. NONE of my friends watched it. They all suck. **


	10. Bless the Missing Boy

**A/N: Heyyyyy. Would have updated waaaaaay earlier had the fanfiction net not freaking misfunctioned and not let me update ... arhg. Well whatever. Here's the chapter now. You learn a lot more about Kate's twisted past. One of the more serious chapters. Reviews appreciated. **

**Bless the Missing Boy**

**Late Morning  
Kate's Tent  
Kate's POV**

"Morning, Sunshine."

My eyelids fluttered gently open. I smiled warmly at the owner of the voice. "Good morning to you too."

Jack sighed, lifting himself up off the mattress. I watched him as he stretched his arms, his shirt riding up so I could see a pair of navy boxers slightly above the waistband of his jeans. He looked back at me and I quickly averted my eyes. He smiled, and pulled his jeans up slightly. "Like my boxers?"

"Oh yeah," I said laughing. "I was so worried you were a brief boy."

I watched as Jack raised his eyebrow in question, walking back towards me. "A brief boy?"

"Yeah," I replied breezily, grinning. "What kind of underwear you wear really says a lot about your personality."

"Oh, really?" Jack leaned back down against the mattress. "Enlighten me, fair goddess of wisdom."

I smiled at the name, and rolled over so I faced him. "Briefs say that you're sensitive, caring, that your mother probably still picks out your clothes and there's a good chance your sex life sucks. Boxer briefs are kind of like a mouse trying to be a lion. You're trying to act cool and hip, something you're obviously not. You're insecure with yourself, and are desperately trying to salvage a sex life."

Jack smiled in amusement. "Well, my relationship with my mother lacks something to be desired. I'm not trying to act cool, and I'm not insecure. As for my sex life … well, there has been a serious crimp in it since this whole island thing …"

I laughed in response to the last comment. "That's good to know."

"Oh yeah?" Jack grinned at me. "You find my lack of activity amusing?"

"Nahh," I said, shaking my head. "Just glad to know I'm not the only one."

"You mean … you haven't …" Jack faltered. A tinge of red seemed to seep beneath his skin. "Nevermind."

"What?"

"No, seriously. Nevermind."

"It's okay, Jack, tell me."

"It's fine, Kate."

"Jack, come on."

Jack sighed exasperatedly at me, and looked down at the mattress. "Just … when we first got to the island and I heard that you were out with Sawyer … in the jungle … all night. I guessed I just kind of assumed that … you know …"

"That I slept with him," I stated bluntly.

Jack's ears were bright red. "Yeah," he said quietly.

I smiled, and moved a little closer to him. His eyes were still cast down at the mattress. "I never slept with Sawyer," I said calmly. "And I honestly don't intend to. Sawyer and I are … friends. Most of the time. And no matter what anyone tells you about us, there's nothing going on between the two of us. I'd let you know if there was."

Jack's eyes seemed to soak me in. "Thanks," he whispered softly.

I smiled. "Any time."

His eyes seemed to travel from my eyes and down my body, resting where my hand sat on the mattress. His fingers were painstakingly close to mine. He cinched forward a little. I drew my hand slightly closer. His fingers seemed to tremble. And then –

"Guys!"

Charlie burst through the entrance of my tent. I jumped up, my hand drawing instantly away from Jack's. "Charlie?" I said, as he seemed to collapse on the floor of my tent. "What's wrong?"

"Aaron," he whispered, his voice thick and panting. "Where's Aaron? Have you seen Aaron?"

"Aaron?" Jack said. He looked at me and I shook my head. "No, Charlie, we haven't seen him."

"Oh, God," Charlie whispered. He closed his eyes. "Oh … my god …"

"Sit down," I said, tugging on his arm. He looked faint. Charlie waved my hand away, but Jack pulled him down. "Charlie, what's wrong? Is Aaron missing?"

Charlie stared down at the ground, head in his hands. "I left him for just a second …" he whispered. "Just one second … how does a little baby disappear in a second …?"

"Someone took Aaron?" I could hear the audible panic in Jack's voice.

"Claire left for half an hour to shower. _Half an hour. _And in less than ten minutes, I lost her baby." Charlie had a haunted look in his eyes. "One second, he was laying next to me as I filled out a crossword book … and the next second he's gone …"

_And the next second he's gone …_

_Gone …_

_**Flashback**_

"_Hey, Matts … do you like the blue or the white? I think the blue would look cute on you. Eh, Mattie? … Matt …" I turned around. "Matthew," I repeated. I looked into his babyseat, buckled into the front of my shopping cart. It was empty._

_I turned around the other way. Why would his seat be empty …? I looked across the various clothing counters, scanning the small crowd. I turned back to my cart. Still empty. Where was … what had happened to … oh no …_

"_Oh God … Mattie … Mathew! Honey!" Panic flooded into my voice. I kept picking up the babyseat, as though Matt could be magically hiding underneath it. "Mattie!"_

"_Ma'am, is there a problem?"_

_I turned wild-eyed to some acne-ridden teenage store worker. "My son … my son's missing. You've got to find him. He's three months old. His name is Matthew. He's got brown hair and my eyes and he was here just a second ago."_

_That was obviously not what the teenager had been expecting. "Um, uhh, okay, yeah, I'll get the alert out. Matthew. 3 months. Brown hair." He ran off. _

_My legs felt frozen in place, my hands clutching the two little baby jumpers that just minutes ago I'd intended to buy. He was there just a second ago …_

_Just a second ago …_

_**End Flashback**_

"We'll find him. Don't worry, Charlie." Jack's voice cut through my memory, hard and quick. "Come on, guys."

"What if The Others took him …?" Charlie's voice was a dead whisper. "What if The Others have got him? We'll never see Aaron again … none of us will …"

"Charlie, don't talk like that!" Jack grabbed hold of him, pulling him to his feet. "Come on, let's find him … Kate?" I felt numb. "Kate!"

"What?" I looked up. "Oh … sorry …"

I got up and the three of us exited my tent. "Kate, you ask around and see if anyone's seen Aaron. Me and Charlie will retrace every step he's been with Aaron. Got it?"

"Yeah," I whispered. My mind was in a complete other world.

"Okay," Jack whispered and he and Charlie set off towards his tent. I stood rooted on the spot. My mind flew back to Aaron. His light blonde hair, big blue eyes. He was so small. My throat seemed to close.

_Matthew …_

_**Flashback**_

"_Mattie!" I cried. "Matt!" _

_I was running down every aisle in the story. I ran past Men's Clothing, and beyond the intimate's section. Tears blinded my vision. My heart raced. "Matthew, honey … please …" I whimpered._

_A baby cried._

_My head whipped around so fast, a crick lashed at my neck. I ran in the direction. Matthew … I could see his soft brown hair, falling in thin layers across the top of his head. His big black eyes, his infectious giggle. I closed my eyes, willing the tears back in. _

_The baby cried again._

_I ran to a little cart where a tall blonde woman was examining young boys' sneakers. I hurtled myself towards the cart. "Mattie!"_

"_Excuse me … what are you … Don't touch my daughter!" The woman called in alarm as I reached for the child. _

"_Mattie?" I whispered, but instead of touching my son, my hands fell on a bigger blonde baby girl. Desperation gave way and I dissolved into sobs, turning away from the baby seat with unsuppressed pain._

"_Mommy?" A blonde boy of about four or five years old reached for his mother's hand. "Who is that lady?" _

"_Get your shoes, Tyler, we're going."_

"_But, Mom, I haven't –"_

"_Now, Tyler!"_

_I crumpled like a fallen leaf, curling with my knees to my chest in the middle of the aisle. Sobs racked my body. I wasn't cut out for this job. Motherhood. I'd known it from the beginning. _

_And now it was too late to turn back._

_**End Flashback**_

"Have any of you seen Aaron?" I called into the early morning beach crowd.

"Claire's baby?" Michael asked, eyebrow raised. "I saw Charlie with him this morning …"

"Is Aaron missing?" John butted in.

"Yes …" I whispered. I felt weak. "We don't know where he is and … and Charlie's going mad …"

"What?"

I froze at the sound of the voice. I turned slowly. There was Claire, hair wet from the shower, t-shirt slightly damp from her damp locks. "What did you say about Charlie?"

My throat was dry. "Charlie, he … you see …" My mouth opened and closed several times. "Claire … Aaron, he …" I closed my eyes. This shouldn't be this hard. "Aaron's missing," I whispered.

I watched as Claire's mouth opened. Then closed. Then opened again. The color drained from her face. "What?"

Her voice was barely a whisper.

"Claire, I'm so sorry, no one knows where Aaron is , but …" I said, but Claire was already running towards the tents. "Claire!" I called after her. "We'll find him! Jack and Charlie are out looking already! Claire!" I shouted. "We'll find him!"

_We'll find him …_

_We'll find him …_

_**Flashback**_

"_We'll find him, Ma'am, don't worry."_

_I sat numbly in the store office. The security guard looked sympathetically at me. "We've got the store doors locked and everyone's being checked. If you truly did alert us as soon as he went missing –"_

"_I did," I cut in._

_The guard sucked in a breath. "Yes …" he said nodding slowly. "Then we'll find him. Don't worry."_

"_How can you tell me not to worry …" I whispered. My voice was haunted. I looked up at him, with big dark eyes. Matthew's eyes. "How can you possibly tell me not to worry …? My son's three months old!" _

_Tears broke into my voice. "He can't live a day without me …"_

"_Ma'am …"_

"_He's so little. He can't … I can't … oh god …"_

"_Ma'am."_

_I shut my eyes, willing the world to go away. They'll find him, I repeated to myself. I couldn't lose Matt. Not after all I'd been through. Not now. Not here._

_Not ever._

_**End Flashback**_

"Charlie!" I ran to watch as Claire flung herself at the blonde bassist. "What happened?" she whispered.

"I don't know, Claire. I swear. He was with me just a second ago. Then I turned and he wasn't there and … I'm so sorry, Claire. We'll find him. I'll find him. I swear," Charlie stammered. He held Claire to him. "I'm so sorry."  
"Well, find him, dammit!" Claire's fist pounded against Charlie's chest. "How could you lose him? He's just a baby!"

"I know. I know. I'm sorry, Claire. I'm so sorry …"

"Oh, Charlie." Claire attempted to rapidly brush away tears. Charlie's hand gently stroked her arm.

"Kate," Jack whispered from behind me. I watched them, soaking their fear in. The expressions on their faces. My body refused to move. "Kate," Jack whispered again.

My eyes snapped up to meet his.

"Come on, let's look for Aaron," Jack said gently. He tugged at my hand, and I numbly followed him. Sand crunched under my shoes. The air felt warm on my skin. Painstakingly warm. Jack looked worryingly at me. "Are you okay?"

I didn't say anything. I couldn't.

"Kate …" Jack's hand gently stroked the side of my face. "Kate, talk to me."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words would enter my mind. "Jack…" I whispered softly. How could I tell him? I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone. As much as I wanted to, no one would understand. Not even Jack …

"I …" I stammered. "Jack, I just … Aaron!"

My voice leaped into my throat. "Aaron!" I called again. I ran forward, scrambling across the beach sand. There was Sawyer, dressed in baggy jeans and even loser shirt, with a small baby curled in his arms. My legs moved quicker than ever before.

I flung myself at Sawyer, scooping Aaron out of his arms. "Oh, Aaron," I whispered. I nuzzled his little head. "Oh, honey, you had us so worried …"

"Aaron!" Just as quickly as he'd been in my arms, he was out as Claire snatched him from me. She was crying hysterically. "Oh, Aaron, I'm never leaving you again. Never. I'm so sorry. Oh, Aaron. Baby."

Sawyer looked at me questioningly. "Lookin' for the kid?"

I rounded on him like a hawk would its prey. "What were you _thinking_ taking Aaron?" I screamed. "Didn't you realize that Claire and Charlie would be worried about him?"

"Hey, when I came around, I didn't see Charlie even near the kid. And a little baby shouldn't be by himself," Sawyer shrugged the question off.

I opened my mouth to yell at him, To swear. To scream. To say something. But Charlie beat me to the punch … quite literally.

His fist sailed out of nowhere, smacking Sawyer in the side of the head. There was a resounding crack, and I watched as Sawyer's body sailed from the impact of the blow, and crashed into the sand.

"Charlie!" Claire cried.

"I WAS THERE!" Charlie hollered. "I was leaning over to get my FREAKING CROSSWORD PUZZLE. Don't you DARE ever THINK I would EVER leave Aaron alone even for a SECOND."

"Charlie, come on," Jack tugged at his arm. "Sawyer didn't mean to scare you and Claire. It was a mistake."

Sawyer kneeled on the crown, nursing a bleeding jaw. "For once, listen to the doc."

Charlie stood, fists clenched, and eyes smoldering, staring at Sawyer. "Come on … Charlie …" Jack's voice cut the silence clearly and practically. "Charlie … Charlie …"

"Charlie," Claire whispered.

Charlie's head slowly turned.

"Charlie, let's go. Sawyer didn't mean anything by what he did. If anything, he was looking out for Aaron," Claire whispered.

Charlie laughed caustically. "Looking out for him, my ass."

"Charlie," Claire whispered. "Please, let's just leave him. Please … Charlie …"

I watched as Charlie closed his eyes. He exhaled softly. His fists unclenched. "Fine," he said and turned back to Claire, leaving Sawyer in the sand. "Fine."

Jack turned to Sawyer. "You okay?"

"I'm just dandy, thanks doc," Sawyer bit back sardonically. He spat blood at the ground. His eyes flipped to me. I stood there, pale and shaking. _Matthew … _"Hey," he said, looking at me. "What's wrong with you?"

_**Flashback**_

"_Oh, Matt!" I pulled him into my arms, kissing every square inch of his head. My body shook as I sobbed. "Oh, Mattie … that's never going to happen to you again … Mommy was so worried … that will never happen again … Never …"_

"_We're arresting your son's kidnapper as we speak." The security officer gave me an encouraging smile. "As far as we can tell, he inflicted no harm upon Matthew."_

_I could only nod. I held him to my chest, hands rubbing his back. He squirmed within my arms, shifting for comfort. I cradled him. "This won't ever happen again …" I whispered to him. I rocked him gently. "Never again …"_

_I held him like that in one arm as I exited the store. I opened the car door and put him in his car seat, in the middle of the backseat. I kissed his forehead. "I'm going to take you where you belong …" I whispered. My bottom lip tremble. Tears flooded my eyes. _

_I got into the front seat, and reversed the car out of the parking spot. "I'm going to take you to your real home."_

_And I drove._

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, I'm creating a twistier darker past for Kate. I know you probably have a lot of questions to ask, so feel free. I'll reply and answer if you sign them. But you don't have an account, that's cool too. Leave an email address or something. More to come, hopefully later this week. **


	11. For a Long While

**A/N: So … it's been a while … sorry bout that. Since it's been so long since I updated, you might want to go back to the last chapter, just read a sentence or two so you remember what went on, cuz I'm picking up right where we left off. **

**So … with that said … let's rock this joint.**

**For a Long While**

**_His name is Matthew Adam. He was born January 21st at  
_**_**three in the morning. He likes Eric Clapton and being tickled,  
**_**_and hates KISS and little dogs.  
I Love you,_**

_**Monica/Kate **_

"_Hey, Mattie," I whispered softly. I shifted my arms on the steering wheel and quietly released a thin but tense breath. The night air held a very soft touch to its humidity, with thin grey clouds gently hovering over a larger brighter moon. Leaves ruffled restlessly against a bare-boned wind. _

_I picked Matthew up from his car seat, fingering his thin brown hair. I kissed the top of his head. "You're gonna go back to where you belong," I whispered softly. I felt tears sting my eyes but I pushed them back. "You're gonna have a great life. You are." I bit my lower lip. "Much better than you have now."_

_Matthew gurgled and I dropped my eyes shut, leaning my forehead against his. Tears slipped through the cracks between my eyelids and rolled down my cheeks. I kissed him again. "I'm going to miss you so much," I whispered. Despair tore at my voice. "So damn much."_

_And I straightened up, placing Matt gently on my lap. I wiped the tears from my eyes. I couldn't lose focus. Not now. I'd come too far. _

_I looked out the car window. An endless suburban road stretched out before me, street lamps glowing beneath darkened sky. House number 52 stood at the end of the street. Small, lone, with a terrible sense of mystery clung to its vine-covered walls. I felt a dull sense of aching, and my fingers briefly touched my heart. I closed my eyes. _

_Breathe…_

_The living room light went out. I hesitated, touching Matthew's cheek. His eyes were slipping shut. I fondled his beautiful brown hair and my throat seemed to seize with emotion. I shut my eyes._

_Breathe…_

_The bedroom light went on. My heart hammered. I could see his shadow, falling gently against the beige slightly see through curtain. I watched him take off his watch and walk towards the bathroom. I bit my lower lip. Any moment now … any moment …_

"_Mattie, honey," I whispered. My voice was thick, throat coarse. His big black eyes looked up at me, widening innocently. He had no clue what I was about to do. "Oh, babe, I love you so much."_

_The bedroom light turned off. House number 52 at the end of the street drowned in a pool of darkness. It was now … or never. _

_I opened the car door, and pulled Matt out by his bassinet. I held it gently in my left arm, and grabbed a brown cardboard box with my other. I took another long look at Matt, lying quietly in his seat. I shut the door._

_Breathe…_

_I walked up to House 52. My feet crunched upon leaves scattered haphazardly across the walkway. Bushes that desperately needed to be trimmed lined the little path. I approached the door. A familiar door. I set the box down. I set Matthew down. _

_Breathe…_

_I allowed my hand to gently run itself along the door's face. My hand rested on the gold knocker. Number 52 was an old house, made for the families of late American soldiers. The whole street was composed of these houses. Since then 52 had been modernized, but the knocker had not been removed. My fingers traced its outline. The knocker … I looked down at Matt and caught my reflection in his big black eyes. My throat closed. _

_Breathe…_

"_Mattie," I whispered gently. He looked up at me, in recognition to his name. I watched his little eyebrows furrow, his soft brown hair blowing gently in the wind. And then he did something I'd never forget. Something permanently imprinted upon my memory. Something so simple, anyone else might write it off. He looked up at me, with complete and utter obliviousness. And he smiled. A big, beautiful, smile. _

_My heart tore. Tears I'd been unwilling to shed, fell and I pulled Mattie towards me, kissing every inch of his skin I could. And then I turned back to the door. I bit my lower lip. Within my chest, my heart hammered unceasingly. Panic seeped through skin. I closed my eyes. I couldn't do this … I couldn't … _

_Breathe …_

_My eyes snapped open. My hand hovered over the doorbell, fingers knotted beneath my palm. Breath hitched in my throat. For only a second, time simply ceased to exist. _

_And then … I pressed it. _

_Once. _

_Twice._

_Three. Four. Five times._

_The bedroom light flickered on. I heard thumping. He was coming down the stairs. I pivoted towards Matt, lying innocently in his bassinet. "Matthew, honey, I love you," I said._

_The hallway light turned on. More thumping. "I love you. I always will."_

_The front light turned on. "Please don't hate me," I whispered._

_The alarm system beeped as it was deactivated. "Goodbye, Mattie."_

_The front door opened. A thin cool breeze blew in from the heavens. Leaves rustled against the stone cobbled path. And a baby, yearning for his mother, began to cry. A confused looking man stood in the doorway, a note in his hand, which refused to make sense. _

_**His name is Matthew Adam. He was born January 21st at  
**__**three in the morning. He likes Eric Clapton and being tickled,  
**_**_and hates KISS and little dogs.  
I Love you,_**

_**Monica/Kate **_

_And as for me … I was gone with the wind. _

_

* * *

_

**1042  
Kate's Tent  
Kate's POV**

"Kate."

I sat rigidly on the mattress, knees drawn to my chest.

"Kate."

I closed my eyes.

_Breathe…_

"Kate."

I looked up. "Jack," I whispered. Sunlight filtered through the open tent, and he closed the flap behind him as he entered.

"Hey," he said gently. I felt the warmth in his eyes, and looked away. I didn't deserve that kind of warmth.

"Hi," I said hollowly.

He sat down beside me, and just looked at me. Soaking me in. I closed my eyes. "Don't look at me like that," I whispered.

Jack was taken back. "Sorry?" he said.

I opened my eyes. "Don't look at me like that," I repeated. My whole body seemed to ache.

His eyes were beautifully brown.

"Like what?" he said gently.

Damn his tenderness. Damn his consideration.

_Damn him._

I looked away from his eyes. My voice came out soft and broken. "Like I deserve to be looked at."

I felt his sigh more than heard it. "Oh, Kate," he whispered, and his hand touched mine. It was small, and soft, but felt more intimate than anything we'd ever done before. "I don't know why you're acting this way," he said softly. "And I wish you'd tell me."

I looked at him pleadingly.

"But if you don't," he whispered gently. "Know that I'll always be looking … For you, with you, at you."

An aching silence followed his words. And then …

"Oh, Jack." And my heart gave way. I began to cry, hysterically, into his arms. He held me, one hand stroking my back gently, with the other in my hair. Both my arms encompassed his waist. "Jack, I did something really really terrible."

"Shhh, it's okay." Jack was doing his best to settle me down but it wasn't working. "It's okay," he whispered into my ear. The movement of his hand on my back was somewhat comforting. "It's alright."

I closed my eyes, my tear-stained cheek pressed against his neck. "It was just awful, Jack."

Jack held me gently against his body. "Shhh … it's okay …" he murmured against my hair.

I withdrew suddenly. His arms rested on my bare legs. My eyes quivered as they met his. Why did have to be so goddamn _comforting?_

"Hey…" he trailed, as he gently stroked the side of my face. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I …" I looked down. "I'm so sorry, Jack," I said quickly, and he sighed. "I do want to tell you," I said. "I just … it's just so difficult …"

"I know," he said. His eyes were so gentle. "It's okay … you can tell me when you're ready, and only if you really want to." He looked deep inside my eyes. "No pressure."

I nodded, eyes unwilling to leave his. "Okay."

We stared at each other.

"Okay," he repeated softly. He leaned back into the mattress, and pulled me slowly down with him. I snuggled in closer to his chest, and his hand rested on my back in a comfortably familiar position.

And we laid there … for a long while.

* * *

**A/N: Feel free to review, and only if you want to. No pressure. :p …. Anyways, I plan on getting deeper into both Kate's and Jack's past, cuz that's a generally fun thing to do. If any of you have any ideas for a plot line or something, feel free to email/review/PM me. I'm really open to suggestions. **


	12. Four in a Row

**Hey. Okay, so I disappeared for a few months. I pretty much suck. But here's a new chapter anyway, just incase you're in the forgiving mood. (a)**

**Oh yeah, and to save you having to look back at previous chapters to figure out what the hell's going on – Kate's having really horrible nightmares, Jack got her a mattress, and since they've been sleeping together (no, not sexually), and in the last two chapters we found out Kate actually had a son before the island but we don't know what happened to him. **

**Four in a Row**

**Afternoon  
Kate's Tent  
Jack's POV**

"Kate …" I whispered gently.

Within my arms, I felt her stir slightly. I smiled and gently stroked her back, as I had come so accustomed to doing over the past few days. I felt her body shudder beneath my touch, and move closer to me.

"Kate," I whispered again.

This time it had some effect. Slowly, I watched her eyelids blink open, and before I knew it I was staring at two perilous hazel orbs. Kate yawned sleepily, but didn't pull herself from my embrace. She smiled tiredly.

"Hey," she whispered back.

"Hey," I said, her face merely inches from mine. My left arm continued to stroke her back. "How are you feeling?"

I felt her body relax to my hand. "Fine," she said. Then she smiled. "Thanks to you."

I smiled a little and then turned my head away. I wasn't very good with these kind of moments. Kate laughed a little at my shyness and put her hand against my cheek, turning my head back to face her.

"No, really, Jack," she whispered. A sort of tenderness crept into her voice. "Thank you. For calming me down and … for laying with me. For looking out for me." She cast her eyes downwards. "I really appreciate it."

I gently touched her bare shoulder. "Anytime, Kate."

She smiled and I smiled back, perfectly relaxed. Then Kate suddenly looked outside, at the thick sunlight streaming in from the tent. She suddenly sat up, alert. "Shit. We slept the whole morning away."

I laughed. "Kate, we're on an island. It's not as if we're late for work."

"No, Jack," Kate said, and I heard the stress in her voice. "They're going to miss us. You know they will. Especially you. You're the doctor."

"Kate …" I whispered calmly. I stood up beside her. "Even if they do notice I'm missing, so what? Why would they think to look for me in your tent? I can just slip back, like I did before."

"_Jack_," Kate stretched my name. "Don't you now _anything_ about the polls?"

I looked at her.

She rolled her eyes and elaborated. "The whole island's voting on whether or not we're sleeping together."

This was news to me. "I thought the whole island was voting on whether you were with Sawyer or me?" I said, somewhat loudly.

"Shhh," Kate hushed me. Then she paused for thought. "Well, they could be voting on that too."

I rolled my eyes. _Sawyer._

Kate saw me and a sudden smirk formed on her lips. "Jack Shephard, jealousy's an ugly color on you."

"I'm not jealous," I spat.

Kate stared me down.

I looked at her pressingly. "_Are _you sleeping with Sawyer?"

Kate looked at me somewhat indignantly. "You _know _I'm not."

I smiled at her. "Then," I said, leaning in towards her and kissing her cheek, "I have nothing to be jealous of."

And with that, I left.

* * *

**Later that Afternoon  
The Beach  
Kate's POV**

"Hey," Charlie rounded on me.

I turned to look at him. "Hey, Charlie."

"Where ya going?"

I looked at him somewhat strangely. "I'm going to collect some fruit from the jungle. Why?"

"No reason," Charlie said offhandedly. "Want some company?"

I looked at him somewhat suspiciously. Okay, Charlie was a sweet guy. Really. But there was something strange about the way he was acting at the moment. I shrugged my shoulders. "I wouldn't mind company."

"Okay," Charlie said nodding and we headed off towards the jungle.

"So …" I said, attempting to be conversational. "Everything okay with you and Claire?"

Charlie looked over at me. "Yeah, of course." He then paused. "Wait, why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know," I said shrugging. "Usually you'd be at her side right now, not mine."

"Well it's just that Ja–". Then he stopped himself.

"What, what is it?" I asked, and I stopped walking.

"Nothing," Charlie said. "Forget I said anything. It's nothing."

"Charlie …"

"Kate …"

I sighed exasperatedly. "You men are all the same."

I surveyed our surroundings, holding my hand above my eyes in order to shield the sunlight. "That tree over there looks like it has fruit on it," I pointed somewhere distantly to the left. "Wanna head over there?"

"Yeah, sure," Charlie said, and we walked over.

"So …" he said casually. "You alright?"

I looked over at him. "Why wouldn't I be?"

It was his turn to shrug. "I don't know. Just … the other day you were in Jack's cave for 'medical advice' and then today he …"

"Today he what?" I butted in.

Charlie looked at me. "Nevermind."

"_Charlie," _I stretched his name.

He shook his head. "Just forget it."

We reached the tree and I hoisted myself up on the lower branches, pushing towards the higher one. I threw Charlie down the sack and he held it open for me to throw fruit into. "You're being awfully secretive lately," I told him.

"I'm being secretive?" he challenged. "You're the one sneaking around the beach after dark with the island's good doctor, seeking medical advice for god knows what, and then refusing to tell anyone about it."

Well, point taken.

"Touché," I said.

We lapsed into a somewhat comfortable silence, as I picked the trees branches bare of fruit. "So really," I said, trying once again to muster a somewhat decent conversation. "How are things between you and Claire? Honestly?"

"They're fine," Charlie said shortly. I looked down at him. "Really," he said.

"Okay," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm just therefore wondering why you're not with Claire at this moment then."

"Look, just because we're not fighting doesn't mean we're joined at the hip," Charlie defended himself. "I mean look at you and Jack. You guys are fine yet he's got me watching out for y–"

"What?" I whipped around so fast I had to grip the branches hard to keep myself from falling off the tree.

"Nothing," Charlie stammered.

"Charlie!" I exclaimed. He looked down. "Is Jack having you follow me around?" I asked.

He paced his voice slowly. "Kate, it's no big deal. He's just worried about you. He doesn't want you to –"

"I can't BELIEVE him!" I hollered. I began to throw fruit down at a furious pace. "I honestly can't BELIEVE him! Who does he think he is? I don't need constant supervision! This morning we were fine. This morning we were honest. This morning …"

"You were in the same bed together," Charlie finished. He smirked at me. "Remember? I walked in on you."

I rolled my eyes. "This is NOT the time, Charlie."

"I think it is." Charlie sat down on the ground, keeping the fruit bag open, so I could still throw it down. "You've kept me in the dark for the last few days. Not that I mind, really. I mean, I know it's yours and Jack's business and I have no right to invade that. But honestly, Kate. I walk in on you guys this morning sharing a tent, and then this afternoon Jack orders me to tail you because he's worried about you. What's going on, Kate?"

"Nothing, Charlie," I defended. "Just … it's nothing."

"It doesn't seem like nothing to me," Charlie noted. He looked at my furious eyes, and glowing red cheeks. "In fact, you look pretty pissed off at a guy you were completely enamored with yesterday."

"I was not _enamored _with him," I spat the words, reaching for a higher branch. "Really, Charlie. Despite what everyone on this island might think – I am not sleeping with Jack."

"Kate," Charlie interrupted.

I continued to stretch for the higher branch. "Jack and I _aren't _together," I ranted.

"Kate," Charlie said quickly. "Don't reach for tha–"

"And I'm not in love with Jack!" I thrust my arm forward, grabbing onto the higher branch. All at once I felt my legs slip out from the branches under me. The branch I was holding onto released a thin sort of noise. A breaking sort of noise.

"Shit!" I hollered. I flung my hands out, trying to grab onto something, anything. The branches crumbled beneath my fingers. I began to fall.

"Kate!" Charlie screamed.

I was falling … fast.

"Kate!"

I hit the ground. For a second, the world spun before my eyes. And then it came. My at one point numb body suddenly throbbed with an unreal amount of pain. I cracked my eyelids open, moaning as I did so. "Charlie …"

"I'm here, Kate. I'm here," he said. He was by my side instantly. "Shit, Kate, that was a high fall." He looked up at the tree worriedly. "We've got to get you to Jack."

"I'm …" I muttered, lips white. "Fine."

"Save it, Kate," Charlie said. He slipped one arm under my legs and put the other under my back, hoisting me up to his chest. "Am I hurting you?"

My head was pounding. "N–no," I lied.

Charlie staggered forward, struggling under my weight. My head was killing me, and somewhere along my back or shoulder, was stinging with a tremendous amount of pain. My head lolled to the side. Why the _hell _had I found climbing trees such an attractive activity?

"Jack!" Charlie started to holler.

I cringed at the sound of such a loud noise. My whole head buzzed with an unbearable amount of activity. Charlie tried to adjust my body in his hands, and in the process lifted me across my shoulder blades. A burst of pain hit me and I screamed.

"Oh shit," Charlie swore. "Jack! Jack!"

Somewhere in the fog of the chaos that surrounded me, I heard a voice. Not Charlie's. But not Jack's either. I struggled to place it.

"What happened?" The voice demanded, and I found I could finally place it. Sawyer. "Is she okay? _What happened?"_

"She fell out of a damn tree!" Charlie hollered. I moaned. My head was killing me. "_Of course she's not okay!"_

"Jack!" both of them started hollering. For a second, I was slightly taken back. Sawyer never said Jack's name. Jacko, The Good Doc, sure. But just Jack? Sawyer never called him Jack. Which could only mean one thing … Sawyer was worried.

"I see him!" Charlie suddenly called. "Jack! Jack over here!"

I felt Charlie shift me again in his arms. His arm hit my back again and I weakly hollered. My body writhed in his arms, wracked with such a surge of pain that I could only shudder limply. This was killing me.

"Oh god."

I could hear his voice, so clear, as though all else was a muted buzz in the background. I made an effort to smile, to say something, just to show that it wasn't all as bad as everyone thought it was. My smile turned into a grimace, and I murmured incoherently.

"What happened?" Jack demanded. I could hear panic in his voice. God, I must look awful.

"She fell out of a tree," Charlie said. "Jack I'm so sor–"

"You're sorry?" Jack hollered. "You're SORRY? Charlie, I asked you to look out for her just so something like this wouldn't happen!"

"Jaaack," I whispered strangled. "Jaack."

Immediately, Charlie was forgotten.

"I'm here," Jack whispered. I felt a pair of strong arms lift me from Charlie's and push me against his chest. I rolled towards him, but as one of his hands neared my shoulders, I couldn't dampen the shriek that escaped from my mouth.

"Charlie," Jack said quickly. "How did she fall? Her head? Back? What?"

"Back," Charlie said just as quickly. "I think. Yeah, definitely back."

"Okay," Jack said, and I felt him adjust his arms around me so that one was under my head and the other under my legs, staying clear of my back. He carried me swiftly back to where I assume, was his cave. "It's okay, Kate," he whispered soothingly. "It's alright."

"Mmm," I murmured against his chest.

"Okay, Charlie, Sawyer," Jack ordered swiftly. "I need you guys to go."

"Okay," Charlie said breathlessly, but Sawyer was not nearly as compliant.

"No way," Sawyer butted in forcefully. "I'm NOT leaving her."

"Look, Sawyer," Jack's words were crisp. "This is no time for egos to clash. I'm not asking you this because I want Kate all to myself. This is in her best interest. Her head hurts, I'm pretty sure she's broken her shoulder or back. And I need to examine her without any interference so please _just go."_

There was a silence as Sawyer seemed to challenge Jack's words but then … there was the sound of footsteps, two sets, as both Charlie and Sawyer seemed to leave. I sighed a little, and winced as the breath carried down into my chest and vibrated against my back.

"Okay, Kate," Jack whispered very softly. "I'm going to lie you down on these cushions, okay?"

I tried to say something but couldn't. I felt Jack's face near mine, and then his lips graze my ear. "I'm going to lie you down on your front so I don't hurt your back. Do you think that's alright with you?"

I nodded weakly and I felt him push me down gently onto the cushions. I was disoriented. I felt him kneel down in front of me, and put his hand in my hair. I tilted my face towards it, and he stroked my cheek gently.

"Kate, I'm going to take your shirt off," he said softly. I need to examine your back and shoulders."

I nodded dimly. At any other time I would have found this incredibly intimate, but these were completely different circumstances from what I had imagined. I felt two hands tug at the bottom of my t-shirt and pull it up over my head. I slowly tried to move my arms up, and Jack managed to lift my shirt off my body.

I felt his hands gently stroking my back. I moaned.

"It's okay, Kate," he whispered gently. "Tell me if anything hurts, okay?"

"Mmm," I whispered in agreement.

"Okay," he whispered and began to press his hands gently against my lower back. I said nothing. He worked his way up to middle of my back, but my lips remained firmly sealed. Then his hands moved across the area from which my bra was a barrier, and up to my shoulder blades. He pressed lightly, and I screamed.

"Oh, Kate," he whispered. He grazed his fingers lightly over the area. "You're already starting to bruise."

I dug my face farther into the cushion. I felt him push my left bra strap down my arm, relieving pressure off my shoulder blade. He ran his fingers gently over the area with what I imagined was water.

"You're lucky," he whispered.

"Oh yeah?" My words came back to me bitten with sarcasm. "Tell that to my shoulder."

Jack laughed, and I could hear the appreciation in it. He was grateful I was speaking. "I was talking about your shoulder actually," he whispered. "I don't think it's even broken. You just bruised your shoulder blade."

I groaned as he once again began pressing gently against it. "I'm not doctor," I said roughly. "But I'm pretty sure it's broken."

"No," Jack concluded. "It's not broken. But you did bruise it badly. It'll turn black before the night's done."

I sighed. "Great."

Jack smiled sympathetically. "You want to try sitting up."

I paused in thought, then nodded. He put one hand on my lower back, and then connected his hand with mine and gently lifted me up. I collapsed against him, and he struggled to keep me from falling.

"Oh god," I said, shaking my head. "My head hurts."

"Then don't shake it," Jack said quickly. He held me against his chest. "I have Ibuprofen. I think that's the best thing you can take. It'll help your shoulder and head."

He looked down at me and despite my grogginess, I could see his eyes casually flicker towards my breasts, which were quite plainly exposed in my thin black bra. Despite the pain it caused, I lightly laughed. "You checkin' me out, doc?"

His arm which had rested around my bare waist once again began to stroke my back. "Would I do that to a patient?" he whispered, handing me my t-shirt, and then moving to help me put it on.

"I don't know," I whispered back, lifting my arms up as he pulled the shirt back over my head. "You ever done it before?"

Jack looked towards me and I saw a small light in his eyes as he spoke. "Once," he said, getting up off the cushions. He reached over to his little black bag and pulled out a bottle of Ibuprofen.

"Her name was Sarah," he continued, opening the bottle and popping two little brown pills out. He looked over at me. "I ended up marrying her."

I stared at him and he passed me the pills. "Do you need water?"

I shook my head numbly and then cringed at the pain it caused. He smiled, and I downed the pills. He reached over to me, hand lightly stroking my hair. "I know your tent's probably infinitely more comfortable, but I don't want to move you. So you're sleeping here tonight."

"Hmm," I murmured, pills making me slightly sleepy. "That'll be our third night in a row."

Jack smiled, and I stretched out on the cushions, careful to lay on my side. He kissed my forehead. "Fourth," he whispered.

* * *

**A/N: I know I was on hiatus for a while, but I really want to keep going with this story so, I'll do my best to keep updating. Anyways, review. Praise or criticism. Doesn't matter to me. **


	13. Tell Me

**A/N: Hey guys! New chapter! Yeeyah. Okay so, here's the deal, this is one of the more serious chapters in this fic, but don't worry because I think you'll like the ending. I thought we'd finally have Jack and Kate confront each other about their pasts, because those are cool things to tackle with.**

**And, may I point out, as faithfully promised to you, this chapter is delivered riiiight on time ... **

**For once.**

**Tell Me**

**Late Night  
****Jack's Cave  
****Kate's POV**

"_Her name was Sarah," he continued, opening the bottle and popping two little brown pills out. He looked over at me. "I ended up marrying her."_

Jack's words just simply seemed to play over and over in my head. That look in his eye when he spoke, the soft but aching tenderness in his voice. It kept rewinding in my head like an incessant tickertape. Sarah. His wife.

Sarah.

I'd almost forgotten her. Jack hardly ever mentioned her, and when he did it was always brief. Always in passing. And I'd always wondered what happened, but like me, I knew Jack didn't like to talk about his past. I didn't know what happened, or why it did. Why it had to happen to such a good person like Jack.

I rolled over on my side, searching for a comfortable position.

A soft chuckle came from the other side of the cave. "Can't you sleep?" Jack whispered.

I rolled to face him and winced as my shoulder blade touched the rocky surface. "You're not sleeping," I pointed out.

Through the dark, I saw Jack smile softly. "That's 'cause you can't sleep."

I looked over at him. "Huh?"

Jack edged a little closer to me. "Think about it," he said gently. "Those four times we slept with each other. When have I fallen asleep before you?"

I paused and thought about it. Every time my mind drifted back to the scenario I remembered my eyes slipping shut, feeling as heavy as lead. I remembered feeling his strong arms encompass me, and me leaning against his chest, listening to his thin rhythmic breathing. I remembered the night air swirling thickly around us, my mind surrendering itself to the nocturnal serenity. I remembered falling asleep.

Jack smiled at the look on my face. "You always fall asleep before me," he whispered gently. He smiled. "I like listening to you breathe."

I smiled back, though skeptically. "I breathe when I'm awake too."

"Yeah ..." he whispered thoughtfully. He looked off, almost to the sky. "But you look so peaceful when you sleep. You're just ... completely relaxed. I never get to see you that way when you're awake." He smiled almost sadly. "I like seeing you that way."

"Jack?" I said.

"Hmm?"

I smiled. "Come over here."

He looked over at me questioningly but obeyed. He cinched towards me and I gently pulled him down to lay beside me. He surveyed me through caring eyes. "I don't want either of us to hurt your shoulder, Kate," Jack whispered.

"It'll be fine as long as I lay on this side," I said, sounding more the doctor than he did.

We looked sort of awkwardly at each other. Though we had technically slept next to each other four times, they'd all started off innocently, with us both on polar opposite ends of the mattress and then mysteriously in the middle of the night entangling our limbs within each others. Never did we start that intimately.

Jack looked at me hesitantly and placed a light hand on my waist. I took that as my cue, and I cinched closer to him. A peaceful silence developed between the two of us. Jack gazed at me gently. "Still not sleepy?" he whispered.

I smiled almost wickedly. "Well ... I did have a very nice laydown with a certain doctor this afternoon ... all afternoon, come to think of it."

Jack chuckled. "Shows us for screwing up our sleep schedule."

I laughed with him and once again, the silence devoured us. "So ..." I trailed, staring down towards his chest. "Talk to me."

I felt Jack's arm tug me slightly closer and I willingly obliged. "Talk to you about what?" Jack whispered against my hair.

"I don't know ..." I trailed, shrugging my shoulders and then wincing painfully. Jack saw this and slipped a hand over my shoulder blade, massaging the spot in pain. "Anything."

Jack looked at me, almost skeptically. "Something tells me you have a subject in mind."

I looked down at the ground, silent.

"It's okay, Kate," he whispered. "You can ask me anything."

I seemed to nervously finger the fabric of my t-shirt while Jack waited patiently. "Could you," I said, somewhat anxiously. "I mean ... could you tell me about Sarah?"

I looked up somewhat expecting to see a dark look upon his handsome face but there was none. He simply looked at me with interested eyes. He was silent for a long moment and then, "What do you want to know about her?"

I paused thoughtfully. "I don't know," I confessed. "What did she look like? How did you meet? What ... what's your story?" I then said quickly, "But you don't have to tell me anything that you don't want to. No pressure."

Jack smiled appreciatively and I relished the feeling of his arms on my back. He looked down. "She was blonde, maybe around your height and body weight. Fair complexion. Blue eyes. She was ..." he sighed. "She was beautiful."

I shuddered, the intimacy of this conversation suddenly striking me powerfully.

He continued. "She was in a car crash," he said. I found it strange that his voice held no feeling to it. "She was hurt ... badly, and was lying on my operating table the first time I saw her. Just laying there, cut open, and bleeding. My wife. That was the first time I saw her."

I felt my throat begin to close. "Jack..."

"No, it's okay, Kate," Jack whispered assuredly. His eyes stared at me earnestly. "I want to tell you."

I could only nod dumbly and he spoke again.

"We got married. The night before the wedding, I ... I wasn't sure. And I know that happens to a lot of grooms on the night before, but maybe if I hadn't ..." Jack breathed heavily. "Well, it's too late for that, I guess." He shook his head. "We married and we were happy ... for a while. Really happy. And then ... it all just sort of fell apart."

He stared into my sympathetic eyes and gave me a small sad smile.

"I started working almost inhuman hours," he whispered. "I don't know why. I didn't ask myself. I suppose I was miserable and that was just a way of coping. And Sarah ... well, it wasn't fair to her, was it? I was never home, and when I was we didn't really talk. I can't ... blame her ... for what she did."

"What did she do?" I can barely keep the intrigue from creeping into my ghost-like whisper.

Jack took a deep breath. "She had an affair."

All at once, I felt this deep terrible ache for Jack. He was one of the most kind, sensitive, wonderful people I knew and no man, least of all him, deserved that from the woman he loved. I fought down a white hot sort of anger. What woman in their right _mind _would cheat on _Jack?_

"I ... I went nuts when I found out." Jack's brutal honesty resonated dully. "It was over," he said. "Our marriage. I knew it was over but I just couldn't let it go. I was born with this idealism of sorts. You grow up, get a job, fall in love, get married, have kids, and grow old. Divorce was never part of that beautiful plan. And I knew Sarah didn't feel what she did for me when we got married. I didn't even feel the same for her anymore. But I ..." Jack shook his head. "_I just couldn't let it go."_

Jack looked up simply torturedly at me. "I thought it was my father."

"Oh, Jack ..." I whispered. I knew that Jack's relationship with his father lacked something to be desired. I knew that. But an affair with his wife? To someone as sensitive as Jack, that would simply be heartbreaking.

"We ended up with a messy divorce," Jack said, attempting indifference but failing horribly. "Sarah thought it would be best if we broke off all communication. I can't say I didn't disagree. I knew I had to move on. I _tried _to move on but ... he ruined my life, you know? Right from under my nose, he came in and took my wife. My house. Everything I had worked for, that I loved ... suddenly he just had it."

A wild look came to his eyes. "I _had _to know who he was. I had to."

My arms seemed to magically stretch around his chest, and within seconds we were caught in a tight embrace. "I know," I whispered into the fabric of his t-shirt. "I know."

We stayed like that for a long length of time, with our arms around each other and our heads buried together. I felt Jack's hot breath tickle my neck, and I snuggled in closer. It was strange how comfortable this position felt, having only been four days old.

"Kate," Jack whispered softly in my ear. My whole body seemed to hum to the sound of my name on his lips. "Kate," he whispered again.

"Mmm?" I murmured.

"Kate," Jack whispered as his hands seemed to roam my back, generally resting upon my bruise shoulder blade. "Tell me about Matthew."

From beneath his arms I froze. His hands stopped moving and though he didn't release me from his arms, it was as though the distance between us had suddenly multiplied by thousands. I looked away, breaking into eternal conflict.

"Kate?"

My name sounded so perfect on his lips.

"Kate?"

"Jack ..." I whispered brokenly. I didn't know what else to say.

Jack looked at me with imploring eyes. "I hear you, Kate, at night when you're asleep. You whisper his name. The nightmares you have ... I heard you calling to him. Who is he, Kate?"

I looked away. "Jack, please don't," I whispered quickly. Rabidly. "Please, Jack. Please."

"_Kate_," he whispered in forceful retaliation. "I know you always lived with your guard up. Always running. But you don't live there anymore. You don't need to run from me, Kate. You can climb out of your armor once in a while. I want to know you. The real you. Everything about you."

"No, you don't, Jack," I whispered and I felt a single hot tear streak down my cheek, burning its way across my flesh. "No you don't. You'll never look at me the same way again. And I don't want that." I shook. "Oh God, I don't want that."

"Kate," Jack whispered. "Kate. Anything you tell me, anything, will never tear me from you. Please believe me, Kate. Please." Jack's eyes beg me. "I just want to know you. Like you now know me. You say his name all the time. He's obviously important to you ... please. Just tell me."

"Oh Jack," I looked down. I could feel my walls caving. The Roman Empire which I'd taken so long to build within me, with its assault-proof borders and trigger-happy army, were crumbling to their deaths simply by the look in his eyes and the sound of his voice. "Jack ..."

"_Kate_ ..."

I looked up at him, almost wildly. "Do you _really _want to know?" I whispered. _"Really?"_

Jack returned an equally strong stare. "More than anything."

I turned so that my eyes couldn't meet his. "Matthew ... Matthew is ..." I bit my lower lip, forcing my voice to remain even. "Matthew is my son."

Though he said nothing, and barely moved, I felt Jack's mood swiftly change. Positively or negatively, I could not tell. Perhaps I didn't want to. I forced myself to go on.

"He should be almost four now. I ... I haven't seen him since he was a baby." My voice cracked. "I loved him so much. He's the best thing I ever did. Out of all the screw ups I made and the horror I caused, I finally did something _good. _Mattie was – _is_ – the best thing I've ever ... I've ever ..."

"Oh, Kate," Jack whispered and in that moment, as his arms encircle me once more, I completely one hundred percent break down. I'm sobbing and crying and caught in a hysterical fit. Jack simply holds me, whispering words of comfort in my ear.

"I couldn't keep him, Jack," I whispered raggedly. My face is read, tear stains blotting my eyes and congesting my nose. "I couldn't keep him. I was wanted for _murder. _I was on the run. I couldn't ... I couldn't do that to him. I loved him too much. He was my little boy. I just ... I just couldn't."

"Shh, Kate, it's okay," Jack whispered. "It's okay. You don't have to. You don't."

"He didn't even know. Kevin, I mean. I didn't even tell him I was pregnant when I left and then when I had Mattie, I just I couldn't. I wanted to so badly but I couldn't tell him because he might find me. And I just _couldn't have him find me." _

I'm gasping for breath now, between words and sobs, and Jack's holding onto me for dear life whispering "breathe ... breathe ..." in futile hope to calm me down.

"I left him that night on Kevin's doorstep. I watched from behind the bushes. I think - I think he knew. Kevin. I think he knew. For a second, I just swore he looked right at me. He was holding Mattie and Matt was crying for me," Kate panted. "It was the first time I'd ever let anyone else hold him. He was so scared, I could hear it in his voice. He was just two months old. He was ... just a baby."

"Shhh," Jack whispered thickly against my neck and suddenly his lips were trailing kisses down it, which quite effectively subdued me at present. Our hands seemed to weave together as he took his in my own, mouth still trailing from my ear to the base of my neck.

"I loved him, Jack ..." I whispered slowly, resisting the urge to moan as his lips continued to press against my skin. "I loved him ... so ... much."

"I know, Kate," he whispered. He pulled my body to his and held me, as though balancing glass. "I know."

My eyes, as though suddenly weighted by led, seemed as if they had bared all that they could and for no longer. With those last few words echoing in my mind, I seemed to collapse against Jack, falling into an immediate and effective slumber.

And after a few steady moments of his hand gently stroking my hair and my heartbeat dully pressing against his chest, Jack followed suit.

**A/N: Okay, generally I'm not a review groveler. Really, I'm not. But I'll tell you up front; reviews make me work faster. They really do. The more reviews I get, it's just the bigger incentive I have to update as fast as possible. Because I love hearing from you guys. Suggestions, praise, criticism, anything. I accept anonymous so you don't even need an account. Your only excuse just went right out the window.**

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	14. My Mantra

**A/N: Reposting due to technical difficulties. If you've seen this chapter before ... then that's good. If you haven't ... I reposted it for you :) Since the ff net has something funky going on and some people can't read it for some odd reason.  
**

**My Mantra**

**Morning  
Jack's Cave  
Kate's POV**

"_I loved him, Jack ..." I whispered slowly, resisting the urge to moan as his lips continued to press against my skin. "I loved him ... so ... much."_

"_I know, Kate," he whispered. He pulled my body to his and held me, as though balancing glass. "I know."_

I rolled over, body basking in the warmth the sun reflected as I stretched. I smiled at the hazy recollection. "Jack," I murmured softly, slumber etched in my voice, eyelids firmly shut. I could still feel the weight of his lips against my neck and the heat his body radiated against mine. "Jack …"

"Kate?"

My eyelids snapped open.

Jack stood at a corner of the cave, already in his jeans, and soaking a cloth in some sort of liquid. His eyebrows were creased in a worried frown. "Are you okay? Do you need something?"

I felt a tinge of red seep into my skin and I turned away. "No," I said, voice sort of high. "I'm fine. I was just … dreaming, that's all."

I froze. That was the exact wrong thing to say. I turned my head back slowly towards Jack. A broad grin had broken across his lips. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively at me. "Dreaming about me, huh?" He edged closer. "Anything good?"

My face grew hotter. "No," I said stubbornly.

I watched Jack inspect my face for any signs of dishonesty before he sighed and kneeled down before me, holding the liquid drenched rag. "How's your shoulder feeling today?" he asked me, instantly professional.

I wiggled my shoulder and cringed. "It kind of sucks."

Jack nodded his head. "I thought as much. Your bruise looked nasty last night, so it'll look worse this morning."

"Oh. Lovely."

"Very," he supplied. He squished the sopping rag in his left hand as he reached into his satchel and withdrew a small bottle of white ointment. "Now, if you turn around and take off your shirt, I'm going to look at your bruise and put some stuff on it, so it won't be as tender to the touch as it is now. Is that okay?"

"Sure," I said, turning around on Jack's makeshift bed. "But for future reference, I don't like stripping this early in the day."

"That's okay, I'm more of a night nudist myself," Jack said calmly. I turned around to flash him an odd look. He just grinned playfully and motioned me to turn back around. I acquiesced and began to tug at the bottom of my shirt. My shoulder throbbed.

"Do you want me to help you?"

"No, it's okay. I've got it," I said, shaking my head. I slowly drew the t-shirt halfway up my stomach and gasped. A jolting burst of pain rocketed from my shoulder and I dropped the fabric as though burned.

"Kate …" Jack sighed frustratedly. "Just let me help you."

"I can do it myself," I bit back. I released a breath, shutting my eyes tight. _Clear your head. _I slowly drew the fabric over my head and then, carefully positioning my shoulder so it wasn't continuously flexing, I pulled the shirt off. Setting it down on the bed, I then turned to Jack, offering him my most dazzling i-told-you-so smile.

Jack wasn't impressed. "You could have saved yourself a lot of pain if you'd just let me help you."

"But I could do it myself," I pointed out stubbornly. "And I did."

"Well congratulations. You achieved the same result as I would have helping you, only now your shoulder probably kills. And it wouldn't have, if you'd let me help you," he snapped back, equally stubborn.

I stared at him coolly. "Pain is a price you pay for independence."

"Only when you insist on being so at every fucking moment," he whispered. His body was very near mine, his eyes dark pools of endless black. I found my throat tightening. Heat emanated off his body and soaked into mine, burning its way from my skin to my heart. I suddenly became very aware that I was intensely exposed in just jeans and a bra.

I turned away. "Can we just get this over with?"

Jack also turned away. "Fine by me. Turn around."

I did, and at once I felt the rag touch my skin. The liquid was cold, and bit at the surface. Jack spread the rag down my shoulder and then back up again, letting the liquid soak my shoulder. The bruised area was large, I surmised. I leaned my head to the side, as he continued to brush the rag gently against my back. The sunlight fell gently across my face, and I enjoyed the contrast between its warmth across my skin and the cool gust of wind that blew gently from the west.

The feeling of Jack's fingers against my shoulder pulled me out from my reverie. Jack had his hand dipped in the ointment and was now lathering it across my shoulder. I moaned softly, and despite the tension that drowned the air between us, Jack withdrew his hand from my back. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, and whispered my mantra. "I'm fine."

Jack paused, but returned his hand to my shoulder. His fingers felt soft against my skin. He grazed my shoulder gently, rubbing the ointment in smooth careful strokes. I could feel his emotion through his touch, and his fingers burned their paths across my skin. Connecting us.

As though sensing this thought, Jack withdrew his fingers quickly. I turned back around to see him walking back to his satchel, returning the ointment to its spot amongst his other medical supplies. He didn't look at me. "You can go."

I made no effort to make eye contact. I gingerly replaced my shirt on my body, and stood up. "Thanks," I said stiffly and exited his cave. I needed to go some place, find someone. I needed something to erase the feeling of his fingers on my skin.

Because I recognized, as I often did with the detrimental events in my life, that I enjoyed that feeling far too much.

* * *

**Same Time  
Jack's Cave  
Jack's POV**

_She's just. So. Stubborn._

That was the one thought circling my brain. _Just so stubborn. _Why couldn't Kate, for once in her life, just accept help? It was something so small. So trivial. Just help getting her shirt off. Why was she seemingly genetically incapable of accepting aid from anyone?

_Why won't she let me in?_

The thought stung. Last night, Kate had been vulnerable. Last night, for a few seconds, I'd seen the real her. The real Kate, stripped naked in the moon light, soul bared for the world to see. For those few precious minutes, I had absorbed her. I'd held her close, and protected her from her memories. From her fears.

And Kate had let me hold her.

For the first time in our friendship, we had met each other in all honesty. The walls that constantly surrounded us, guarding us so carefully from the outside world, were down. The lies that we told thoughtlessly, so practiced and natural in our mouths that they tasted like the air we breathed, would not come. Judgment was nonexistent. We had laid there, eyes open, soaking in the image of the other's soul until it was permanently etched in our memory.

_That _was Kate. The woman who had confessed the love of her son to me. Who had wept bitter tears over her loss of him. Who had held onto me and pleaded to forget. That wasn't the woman who wouldn't let me help undress her when she was in pain.

_Why can't she stick to one personality?_

The thought came to me angrily and left me stung with guilt. I wasn't being fair to her. Kate had _tragedies_ occur in her life. Actual fucking _tragedies_. Things that never should happen had a habit of finding Kate. Terrible parents. A terrible childhood. A terrible torn romance. A terrible life in general. And then a _plane crash._

Which ironically, I thought bitterly to myself, might be one of the better events in Kate's life. After all, she was on her way to prison. I looked around the island from the entrance to my cave. But was this much better? Did Kate just see this place as a prison too? Escape one cell just to rot in another?

I shook my head, as though attempting to dislodge the thought from my mind. I'd find her. That was my current mindset. I'd find her and apologize for being such an ass. She deserved it, after all.

I walked down the path from the caves to the beach, eyes combing the jungle for any sign of Kate, though knowing full well that she would have walked this path over twenty minutes ago. I smiled when my eyes set upon Claire, sitting squarely in front of her tent rocking Aaron. She waved when she saw me.

I walked over. "Hey, Claire," I warmly greeted. I ruffled the few hairs on her baby's head. "Hey, Aaron."

Aaron began to cry.

"He's being fussy today," Claire apologized as she began to rock him more. "He's been grumpy all morning."

"Oh really?" I asked sympathetically. I stroked his little head. "Do you know why?"

Claire's eyes darkened and then turned away. She sighed wearily. "I think it has to do with Charlie."

"Charlie?" I asked in confusion. "I thought Charlie and Aaron got along well."

"Oh they do," Claire said quickly. "Aaron loves Charlie to death and vice versa. That's the problem. Now that Aaron's become so attached to Charlie, when Charlie's not here, he's getting agitated with me."

"Ah," I said sympathetically. I let my eyes scan the beach. "Well where's Charlie?"

"He's … well, I don't really know," Claire said pitifully. "We kind of fought last night and I haven't seen him since. And Aaron's not used to not seeing Charlie in the morning. Which is why he's being like this. _I'm _not used to not seeing Charlie either."

"What did you fight about?" I asked, then quickly added, "If you don't mind me asking."

Claire shook her head, signifying it was okay. "I just sometimes feel like he's trying to do everything for me. Like I don't know how to take care of myself. And it's infuriating, because I've lived on my own. I've _been _on my own. I don't need a man constantly caring for me. But Charlie just doesn't seem to get that. He's always 'well, you have Aaron to worry about'. And I know he's mostly just being sweet and caring. And I get that. But sometimes it just comes off as condescending. You know?"

I felt a wave of guilt hit me. I nodded. "Yeah, I know."

Claire sighed. "But it wasn't a big deal. The fight, I mean. It wasn't a big deal. I thought he'd be around by now, and we'd work it out. But he's not. I haven't seen him all morning, and," she added a little quietly, "I'm kind of worried."

I touched her arm. "I'll find him, don't worry."

She smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

I moved to walk away, but then doubled back. "Oh yeah, and Claire? Have you seen Kate today? She maybe walked by half an hour or so ago?"

"Oh yeah," Claire nodded swiftly. "We talked briefly. She was looking for Sawyer."

I froze. "She was what?"

"Looking for Sawyer," Claire repeated. She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know why. She just was."

And with that, I left.

* * *

**Same Time  
Jungle  
Kate's POV**

"So what's up, Freckles?"

I sighed, leaning against the tree behind me. I liked trees. They were a source of stability. They grew from something so small, to something so big and so powerful. They lent support to people who needed it.

I needed it.

"It's … Jack," I confessed. I looked up at Sawyer. His face showed no surprise. "We had a small argument this morning."

Sawyer was quiet. "You're lying."

I looked at him. "Why would I lie?"

"You wouldn't call a mysterious meeting in the middle of the jungle over a small argument." Sawyer stared hard at me. "There's something bigger goin' on here." I was silent. "You can let me in, Kate."

I sighed, mentally berating with myself. I opened my mouth. Then stopped. Then opened my again. Then stopped. I glared frustratingly at no one in particular. "I just … God, I don't know."

Sawyer motioned to a thick broken tree lying on the ground. "Wanna sit down?"

I sighed. "Yeah."

We lapsed into a companionable silence, consisting of me knelt in swarming thought, and a peaceful Sawyer watching me carefully. I looked up at him pensively. "We're friends right? You and me, I mean. We're friends, right?"

Sawyer paused. "I guess you could call us that. Sure."

I nodded. "Okay."

I went silent again. Sawyer sighed. "Whydya ask?"

"No reason," I mumbled.

"Freckles …"

"I just," I said slowly. "We haven't talked a lot in the last few days. We haven't talked a lot. And I feel bad about that. Because we're friends, and friends are supposed to talk. And I know you think I'm sleeping with Jack, which I'm _not _by the way, but I wanted to straighten that with you. Because we're friends, and we should talk. And I didn't want you –"

"Kate, why are you rambling?"

I opened my mouth, then shut it. Then opened it again. "I'm confused, Sawyer."

Sawyer straightened his back, then leaned against the tree. "What are you confused about?"

"Jack." His eyes prodded me to go on. "It's just … I don't know how I feel about him anymore. We're friends, you know? Really. Just good platonic friends. And now … it's like I want him, and I don't."

Sawyer was painfully silent and when he spoke, his eyes were averted. "Why do you think that is?"

I was silent, and when I spoke he could barely hear me. I coughed, willing my voice to be louder. "Every time I find someone, I end up hurting them and they hurt me."

A long silence followed my proclamation. Sawyer released a deep breath. "You want Jack, but you're afraid if you guys hook up, you'll just end up hurting each other."

Hearing it stated so plainly and so boldly made my heart pang dully. I cast my eyes down at the ground. "Is that stupid?"

"Yes," he responded immediately.

I looked up at him, a spark of anger igniting within me. "Thanks."

"It's stupid," Sawyer said slowly, "because if you apply that logic to every guy you meet, you'll never end up happy because you'll never allow yourself to enter a relationship. Not all relationships end as failures, but every relationship will until you find the one that doesn't. You have to keep trying, because eventually it'll pay off."

All I could do was look at Sawyer, this new found respect for him etched on my face. "You're right," I said, quite clearly impressed.

Sawyer didn't bat an eye. "Of course I'm right. I'm always right."

We smiled at each other. I looked at him. "You're a good friend, Sawyer."

He had his eyes closed, face basked in the sun. "Yep," he drawled.

"I'm sorry if you have feelings for me," I blurted out. He looked at me, one eye open. I looked at him apologetically. "I'm sorry. I know that you and I have kind of … danced around the subject … but I just really wanted to clear the air. And this whole thing with Jack. I'm sorry. Because I don't want to hurt you. I'd never want to hurt you. So I had to tell you that I –"

"Kaate," he moaned. "Stop rambling. You're physically hurting me."

I scowled at him. "Fine then. Cut the apology short. Whatever. I was just getting to the best part."

Sawyer looked up. "Were you really?"

"Well," I said, biting my lip. "Actually, I was just lying. That was pretty much it."

Sawyer nodded. "Thought so."

I sighed. Silence overpowered us. After a few minutes, Sawyer broke it. "I do have feelings for you." I looked at him, and he met my eyes with a surprising intensity. "But … they will pass. I will make them pass. Because we're friends."

"We're friends," I murmured in repetition, and the silence relapsed.

"Stay with me tonight," he said spontaneously.

I looked up at him. What had he just said? What part of _friends_ didn't he understand?

"Not like … that," he said quickly. "Look, let's just break from our lives for a night. You're in a bit of an argument with Jack. This'll give you a chance to clear your head. Me and you. We'll just … hang out. Roast marshmallows over the fire. Something … friendly."

I looked up at him in mock despair. "You mean we can't drink?"

Sawyer laughed. "Oh we can definitely drink. We can drink to our hearts content."

I smiled broadly. "Excellent."

Sawyer grinned in reply. I bit my lower lip, eyes absorbing Sawyer's image. "Friends," I whispered.

He nodded. "Friends."

* * *

**A/N: Review ... please? pretty please? if-you-want-another-update-really-fast pretty pretty please?  
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